I leaned my forehead against the threshold between our sleeping areas, the slight movement pulling on thecut across my throat that had only just stopped weeping. Warmth slunk along my neck, slowly enough to tickle, suggesting a trickle of blood.
“You’re hurt. Please let me take care of you,” Rush insisted.
Yeah, and you’re the one who hurt me, I thought before I could stop myself.
I’d wrestled with the queen’s command over me as much as Rush must have. I fully understood how, until very recently, it had seemed impossible to resist her control.
And yet … I couldn’t seem to separate the man from his actions, not entirely, not in my heart where it mattered most.
“Just … time, Rush. Give me time. I’m sure Pru’ll show up soon and she can help me.” I suspected the slice across my arm, at least, would require suturing.
“Okay, yeah, all right,” he mumbled, sounding like it was anything but.
My hand on the doorknob, ready to close it behind me, he blurted, “I-I … fuck, I love you. And I really hope the queen isn’t listening to me right now, because if she is…”
Shock rolled through me, from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes. Warmth looped in my gut like an errant firework, zooming every which way in celebration, igniting the heat of the power that already simmered there and had only just begun to calm.
But when I spoke, my tone didn’t betray what I was feeling inside—the confused elation, the tentative hope,all intermingled with despair and devastation. He was right about one thing: if the queen’s ears had been present, she would have used Rush’s declaration to further torment us both.
“You can’t love me. You don’t. You maybe just think you do.”
Rush breathed heavily, as if a fire raged within him too. “Don’t tell me I don’t love you. I know what I feel.”
My shoulders fell, and this time I turned to offer him the regret laced with my small smile. “You barely know me. Youcan’tlove me. It’s not how it works.”
“Oh? And you know exactly how love works?” he snapped. “HowIwork?”
“I know how you work enough to realize I’ll never be safe with you. So even if you really believe you love me … nothing else has changed. We still could never be together. The queen tried to kill me just, like, an hour ago. It’s like she tries every single damn day lately. How many more times do you think she’ll try? And how long before she succeeds?”
He closed the distance between us. “I won’t let that happen.I won’t.”
I sighed and took in the thrashing storm swirling in his eyes, the renewed blazing of the tattoos that wove across his neck. “I see you want that to be true, but, Rush, you know it isn’t. You’re literally the reason I’m bleeding right now.”
His breathing came so intensely that his nostrils flared. Finally, he pressed his chest to mine, his forehead to my own. Tenderly, his fingertips flutteredup and down the leathers that covered my arm, ever so careful not to aggravate my cuts.
“This can’t be like this. I have to be able to keep you safe.I have to. I fucking have to.”
The agony that twisted through his words had my hands lifting to his back before I’d decided I wanted to comfort him. I laughed bitterly. “Trust me, I wish you weren’t my number one enemy too.”
He tensed all over. “I’mnotyour enemy. I’m just…”
“Made to behave like one…?” I offered.
He growled as if trying to keep a beast inside him from emerging. “I’m gonna change this. I’m gonna fix it.”
“How?” Our lips were close enough that all we’d have to do to kiss was shift a couple of inches.
“I don’t know yet, but Iwillfind a way.”
“Well, good luck with that.”
He yanked his forehead from mine. “You don’t believe me?”
“It’s not that. I want to believe you. Really, I do. I just…”
“Don’t believe I can do it.” It wasn’t a question.
I shrugged. “I mean…”