Page 88 of Fae Champion

I had to give Rush credit for one thing: he’d never once pretended to be anything other than what he was: the queen’s knight. Not a pawn like so many others, but a key piece she commanded across the chessboard that was her court.

And it wasn’t as if I’d been naïve enough to believe Rush and I could survive the many perils that faced us, happily fall in love along the way, and disappear into the sunset together, putting the palace and all its awfulness far behind us.

But I hadn’tnotbelieved something pleasant could come of all this for both of us either. I’d seen good in him, even when he continually insisted I shouldn’t trust him, when he proved the veracity of his warning time and again.

Whatever his secrets, whatever leverage the queen had on him to ensure his constant cooperation, he could have shared them with me. Knowing that I’d only want to help, he could have let me in—at least a little. By dragonfire, I’d let himinside my freaking body, and that was as trusting and inviting as a person could get. And though I wouldn’t admit it to him or anyone else, I suspected I’d let him into my heart too.

“You five,” Rush growled at the guards trailing us, not even turning to face them, “stay out here.”

I stalked through the door that opened into my chambers, and a few seconds later Rush slammed it shut, trying to exclude witnesses to this discussion when there was no such thing as true privacy at the palace—possibly in all of Embermere. None of the dismembered body parts had trailed us here, though it would only be a matter of time.

I shuddered at the memory of Sandor’s bloody, spying eyeball, which had been attached to his living, breathing, body less than twenty-four hours before. The queen’s cruelty apparently knew no end.

“El,” Rush called from behind me in a soothing, slightly pleading tone. “You know I didn’t mean to. That I’d never, ever,everwant to do anything to hurt you.”

At the threshold from the antechamber into my sleeping chamber, I hesitated, denying the impulse to check the slashes that cut into my neck, shoulder, and arm.

But Rush’s attention seemed to settle on them anyway. Although I didn’t turn toward him, his regretful stare heated the gaping cuts, making them throb more than before.

“The queen…” Rush began then trailed off, probably wondering if he could speak his mind or if whatever he said would get back to the woman who held a chokehold on his lead.

He stepped closer, so that when he inhaled deeply and then out, his breath ruffled the few loose strands that had escaped my pinned-up hair. “I…” Another inhale, another exhale. “My will isn’t wholly my own,” he said finally, “you must know that by now.”

I expected to feel sad about it, but I hardly felt anything at all. “I do.”

He deliberated whether to touch me or not so intently that I sensed his wavering long before his broad hand slid across my waist, down around my hip, to settle there. Numb, I stared down at his hand.

His fingers were rough and callused from training. The back of his hand was flecked with blood, probably mine, next to where his tan skin contrasted sharply with the dark hue of his fighting leathers. The swirling vines of his light tattoo shone.

He dipped his head toward mine, his lips a rumble against the shell of my ear. “I’m so, so, so very sorry Ihurt you. Sorrier than you’ll probably ever know. Will you please let me tend to your wounds?”

At the unwelcome reminder that he’d been the one to slice at my flesh—no matter who’d given the order—I tensed.

“No, El, please, no. It … it wasn’t me.”

My smile was sad, regretful, and only for me as I gazed into the bedroom that had been as close to a sanctuary as I’d get in this hellhole of a kingdom.

Softly, I whispered, “But it was.”

I stepped out of his hold, his hand dragging along my body to hang limply next to his own. “I need some time.”

He seemed ready to follow me.

“Alone,” I added.

“But, El … Elowyn…”

“I just need some time, Rush.” My voice was as weary as I was. “To heal, to recover, before I have to compete in the Nuptialis Probatio.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” he said right away.

“Yeah, no shit I shouldn’t have to. But that doesn’t change a thing, now does it?”

Wisely, he didn’t answer.

“I’ll see you later,” I said. “You should go celebrate your victory. Given the partying of last night, I’m sure the arena’ll still be hopping by the time you get back to it.”

“I don’t want to celebrate. I want to be with you.”

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