Page 5 of Both Sides Now

“I’ve made a decision.” Folding my napkin in my lap, I swing my gaze between the two of them.

“About damn time,” Shawn mutters, but I note the glint in his eye. “With the size of this menu, I thought we might be here until dinner.”

“You be quiet,” Suzanne warns her husband before giving my arm a squeeze. “I’m so happy to see you, Calli. Especially outside the house.”

“And wearing pants,” I add with a chuckle. “It’s a momentous occasion.”

It’s been a while since I’ve been out. Since I’ve been anywhere. That’s the thing with the world these days. Between online shopping and delivery services, a person can hole up and hide forever.

That was my exact plan.

Until this morning.

“So, what’s this grand decision? Suzanne and I have placed our bets and I want to know who’s buying breakfast.” Shawn swirls his greyhound, the grapefruit juice mixing with the gin, but his dark eyes remain focused on me.

“Well, whichever one of you bet on me having a baby wins.”

The ensuing silence is deafening as my gaze moves from one awestruck face to the other. You know it’s a bombshell when you manage to quiet down these two. They never lack a retort.

“You’re … I’m sorry, I must have heard you wrong.” Suzanne places her hand over her throat, clearing it and buying some time for me to negate my statement. “Did you say that?—”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

Shawn claps me around the shoulder, letting loose with a surprised guffaw. “Look at you—little sneak. Here I thought you were holed up in your house, eating pints of ice cream. Meanwhile, you’ve been dating on the down-low. Pretty seriously, I might add. Good for you,luv. What’s his name? You know I have to meet him, right?”

“His name is Charlie.”

More silence. I swear the entire restaurant has shut up in anticipation of this conversation.

Shawn and Suzanne exchange glances—their faces a mix of confused happiness.

“What are the chances he has the same name? Is he British, too?”

“He is, actually. And he has much in common with Charlie because heisCharlie.”

“Oh, my God.” The words slip past Suzanne’s mouth, and I can tell from her face she fears I’ve lost the last vestiges of my sanity. “Calli, you know Charlie is gone.”

I drum the table with my fingers, glaring at each of them. “I’m aware, but thank you for that unnecessary reminder. Although Charlie is gone, his sperm is still very much here.” I grab my cocktail, sucking down half the contents. Hey, I’m not pregnant yet. “It’s not that outlandish, folks. When Charlie got his diagnosis, we were already in the process of freezing his sperm. We planned IVF since we weren’t having any luck the natural way. We figured as soon as Charlie went into remission, we would thaw out his swimmers and grab a turkey baster. But he never went into remission, and I’ve yet to use the turkey baster.”

Suzanne eyes the tablecloth, although I guarantee the answer isn’t hiding under her salad fork. “Are you certain this is what you want to do?”

Her question raises my ire. “I’m quite certain. I love Charlie. I want to have his child. Continue his legacy. What’s so wrong with that idea?”

Her hand grasps mine, offering some measure of comfort. “There’s nothing wrong with it, and Charlie was an amazing man. But it’s tough being a single mom, Calli.”

Suzanne speaks from experience. She raised her now preteen daughter without any assistance from her first husband. He was too busy cheating to play the role of doting father and one day, he walked out of their house and lives, never to return.

I’d like a word with that man, should he ever reappear. He’ll be missing a few body parts by the time I’m done.

So, yes, it was tough on Suzanne and that’s the understatement of the century. It was hell, but my friend was tougher than any obstacle life threw her way.

And so am I … I hope.

I fidget with the pendant hanging around my neck, my gaze intent on Suzanne. “You were a single mom until Shawn came along.”

“Not by choice. I’m not saying you can’t do it. God knows you’re unstoppable when you set your mind to something. But it won’t be easy.”

The harsh bark of laughter escapes my lips before I have a chance to rein it back. “Nothing has been easy these last twenty months. Nothing, exceptthisdecision.” I clutch each of their hands in turn, my eyes beseeching them to understand. “I need your support. This is the most important thing I’ve ever done, but I need to know my friends are behind me.”

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