Page 110 of Both Sides Now

I may be alone, but with his memory by my side, I’ll never be lonely.

A smile cuts across my face as a plan begins to take shape. It’s risky, but isn’t everything?

Chapter

Sixteen

CALLISTA

Shawn leans back in his chair and rubs his chin as he considers my declaration.

I lean on the table and shoot him a mock glare. “I’m not sure whether that expression means you approve of my decision or think I've lost my damn mind."

"Actually, I'm hurt you destroyed the snow globe," he jests, giving me a light jab in the arm. “As for your plans, it’s not for me to judge, Callista. This is your life. Areyouhappy with your decision?"

"I am."

"It's a tremendous risk you're taking—on all fronts. Are you prepared for what might happen if one or more of your plans falls through?"

I offer him a nonchalant grin as I spread a napkin across my lap. “Then I make a new plan. That's life—a series of constantly evolving plans. Trust me, I spent the last few years clinging to some semblance of control, but all it brought me was disappointment. I’m ready to move on.”

This time, I mean what I say. After discovering Charlie'svideo, I spent the next week in deep, spiritual soul-searching. Then I made a decision. Three, in fact.

I'm selling the house. Keegan was right—I never did like the damn place. Aside from a few personal effects, the furniture will go with the residence, which will further increase my profit. The only piece coming along is Charlie’s leather side chair, although he rarely sat in it since I loved to snatch his spot when I curled up to read. All our trinkets and mementos are safely packed and ready to go to the storage unit.

Where ismynext stop?

I’m not entirely sure, although I am taking a trip to Long Island. I can't be certain how Keegan feels about me now, but I'm going to demand to know the answer—after I spill my heart out to him, of course.

And then, I will tell the good doctor my final plan. I'm going to have a baby. I'd like to have one with Keegan, but if that isn't an option, I'll move forward with my decision. Solo.

Big moves. Big changes. Absolutely necessary, because I refuse to spend another day watching the world go by.

I’m jumping in the deep end. I’ll figure out later if I know how to swim.

Shawn clicks his tongue against his teeth, a funny smile on his face. “I love this brave new you, but I’m worried, too. You said Keegan doesn't want a family. Aren't you setting yourself up for disappointment?"

My best friend is the salt of the earth. He's terrified of me falling apart again. The poor man spent the last two years running around and collecting the shards of my soul as they shattered with each new wound.

He needs a damn break. We all do.

"I might be.” I shrug, taking a sip from my wine. Might as well imbibe now. Hopefully, I’ll need to abstain in the near future. "Before he left, Keegan asked me what I needed from my life. He doubted I’d ever considered that question, and hewas right. So, I spent the last week examining every angle, and I now know what will make me happy—what I want. He also mentioned that this wasn’t how he wanted things to go, either. I’m going to test that theory."

“I don’t know him nearly as well as you do, but Keegan seems to be a decent guy. I believe he truly loved you. Hell, he took you to meet his family, which, according to his mother, he doesn’t do. That speaks volumes.”

"He also had unprotected sex with me. While I was ovulating."

Shawn's eyes grow large at my intimate disclosure. “Way too much information.”

“Had to leave you with a winner.” I chuckle, grabbing the bill as soon as the server leaves it on the table.

We stroll out of the cafe, the sun warm against my face. For the first time in forever, I'm excited about my future, even though I have no idea what it looks like.

After my lunch date with Shawn, I drive to the cemetery, a brilliant bouquet of irises by my side. Although I know Charlie will always be with me, cheering me on—or shaking his head in disbelief—I still want to tell him my news at his last official resting place. Well, where his stone marker lies, anyway. A visit to his grave in England will have to wait a while, but I'm fairly certain my husband will understand.

I've got a busy few months ahead of me and whole lot of living to do.

Climbing the gentle incline, I breathe deep of the summer air, the fragrance of a thousand blooms softening the rough edges of such a melancholy place. I kneel by Charlie’s stone, brushing away the bits of dirt and pollen that have settled on the marble, and earning several sneezes as payment for my troubles.

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