Page 74 of Shifting Gears

Dani is patient now. Gentle. It’s veering further from sex and closer to what Nora might define as something more, and the closeness teeters on the edge of overwhelming.

Nora’s legs are wrapped around Dani’s hips tightly enough to limit motion, but the steady rocking of their bodies is still enough. Her hands cling to Dani’s mid-back while Dani is gripping at Nora’s thighs. Dani presses their foreheads together, trading slow kisses and murmured words of affection until they’re breathing the same air.

Even at a pace that doesn’t usually work for Nora, Dani coaxes her into a deep, subterranean orgasm that seems to rumble up from the absolute tips of her toes. Dani follows her soon after with a small, broken cry, and it feels like she’s cracked Nora’s chest open to put her heart on blatant, uncomfortable display. Like those grey eyes could see into the core of her.

Nora is grateful that Dani collapses on top of her without interrogating why Nora has to wipe her eyes.

For long, quiet minutes, she holds Dani inside her, enjoying the connection of it, pressing gentle kisses across her neck and shoulder. Dani only moves when Nora starts to shiver against the cold air on her damp skin. She’s reluctant to let Dani go for even the short time it takes for her to wriggle out of the harness and curl herself around Nora’s back, wrapping her arms around Nora’s middle. The sudden emptiness inside Nora is jarring, but her hip socketspopsatisfyingly as she stretches out.

“I have never,ever, felt like that before,” Dani whispers.

Nora isn’t sure she can talk right now without it coming out garbled and shaky, so instead she pulls Dani’s hands up to pepper them with soft kisses.

“I know this is a weird thing to be grateful for, but…thank you. Seriously,” Dani says. She pulls her hand away to fidget with Nora’s earring, running her finger over the diamond stud like it’s a worry stone. It’s strangely comforting. “I’ve never been with someone who cared so much about how I—about how my body—I mean, about making me feel good. You know?”

Nora can feel the heat of Dani’s blush where her face is tucked into the curve of Nora’s neck. It’s almost funny. Of all the things they’ve done over the course of the evening,thisis what has Dani embarrassed.

“I’m just glad I could find something that worked for you. And I can’t say it didn’t work out incredibly well for me, too,” Nora says, gesturing at the absolute disaster her bed has become. Three of four pillows are on the floor, the duvet is twisted somewhere near their feet, and the fitted sheet has lost its grip on the mattress.

“Has it ever been like this for you?” Dani whispers into the quiet after they’ve both settled. She fits against Nora’s back like a perfect puzzle piece. There’s a shade of vulnerability in her voice that can’t be ignored. “Am I just like—a total sap who’s never had good sex before?”

Nora swallows. Dani is breathing softly into Nora’s hair, their hands and legs intertwined. It feels like all the pretense between them is gone now, and she can’t bring herself to be anything but honest.

“No. It’s never been like this for me.” Nora takes a breath. “This was amazing.”

Dani’s body relaxes against her. “Okay. That makes me feel like less of a loser.”

“You’re not a loser just because nobody has ever taken the time to accommodate you,” Nora says. Her attempt to look over her shoulder at Dani is foiled by Dani burying her face deeper into Nora’s hair.

“Why did you?” Dani asks. The words are muffled.

“Why did I what?”

“Take the time.”

It should be a simple question. The easy answer is that she wanted to make Dani feel good, but Dani has been steadily reassuring her all summer that she’s already been doing so. This was Nora going for extra credit.

The other answers are harder to admit.

“Nobody has ever taken much time to accommodate me either,” Nora says simply. “Nobody besides you. You deserve to be accommodated.”

Dani finally emerges from her safe place between Nora’s shoulders to press a kiss to Nora’s cheek. “You’re a good person.”

The tenderness of the moment is eclipsed by a tidal wave of crushing guilt, followed by a terrible, absurd desire to tell Dani everything. Because, contrary to Dani’s belief in her, Nora isn’t a good person. Quite the opposite. The fact that she’s somehow duped Dani into thinking so is unexpected, and it brings to bear the aspect of Nora’s trip that she’s spent so long avoiding.

Nora hasn’t been lying so far, per se. In fact, she’s been carefully avoiding doing so. She’s just not telling anyone the whole story, which has begun to feel somehow worse. Dani’s faith in her is a new element that doubles the weight of Nora’s whole summer of half-truths, and it brings to light the third reason that she’s become so fixated on making sure Dani is fulfilled.

To make up for everything else.

Nora chokes out a short laugh. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew me better.”

“Then let me know you better.”

Dani leaves room for Nora to brush it off, but Nora’s heart pounds harder even than it did a few minutes ago.

Some small part of her resists the idea of sharing. There’s always been a safety to not being known. But a larger part, the part Dani opened tonight, wants the opposite.

All it takes is a gentle encouragement for Nora to spill her entire childhood on the sheets.

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