Page 77 of All Your Firsts Without Me

His arthritic fingers shake as he reaches up to brush the hair away from her face. “Oh, now I don’t buy that.”

“It’s true.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything.” His eyes fall closed, his hand dropping back to the bed.

April doesn’t look like she has any intention of leaving, so I join her.

She gives me a sad smile as I sit down in the chair beside them. When I start singing quietly, she mouths a thank you.

We take turns holding his hands, sometimes we sing and sometimes we let the silence settle around us.

“Are you hungry?” I whisper. She shakes her head no, tightening her grip on the old man. It’s starting to get dark. We’ve been here all day.

Fred opens his eyes, staring towards the corner of the room. “Ruby, my dear,” he says, pointing at the wall.

April takes a deep breath, following his gaze.

“Do you see my wife?” he asks, not taking his eyes away from the apparition.

“She’s beautiful,” April replies, not missing a beat.

Fred turns his eyes to her, giving a little chuckle that ends in a coughing fit. He waves the glass of water away that April offers. Once he’s able to speak,he looks her in the eye. “Good things are coming your way, honey.”

He falls asleep after that.

I try to convince her to leave but she isn’t budging. “He doesn’t have anyone. I’m not leaving him.”

“Okay, baby. Okay. But you need to eat. Teresa and Jeff are going to drop off some fast food.”

She nods, standing to adjust his pillows and clean his mouth, just like the nurses showed her. April kept asking how she could help so they showed her a few little things she could do on her own to make him comfortable.

God, she’s amazing. The strength and grace she has is incredible.

Fred’s eyes open again. April leans over to talk to him but then she plops down on the bed, grabbing his hands in hers. She starts whispering feverishly. “It’s okay. It’s okay. She’s waiting. It’s okay to go to her.”

I’m confused as to what is going on, so I stand up, taking a step towards the bed,and then I notice something is wrong. My heartrate kicks up. “Should I get a nurse?” I run my hands through my hair, trying to control my urge to start yelling for help.

April keeps one hand wrapped around Fred’s, the other reaches out snagging mine. She squeezes it tightly. She quietly begins to sing Amazing Grace. Fred stares at her, gasping but otherwise calm. Her voice visibly soothes his soul, he wheezes a few more times before his eyes glaze over, lifeless. She lays her head on his chest while still holding my hand. April finishes the song, tears staining Fred’s gown.

When the song ends, she sits up, wiping her eyes. “Could you go get the nurse now?” she asks.

The staff are in tears. Mr. Fred Fredricks will definitely be missed.

Jeff and Teresa are waiting outside with our food when we exit the building. April waves when she spots them but then she loses her balance. I wrap my arm around her just as her eyes start to flutter closed.

It takes all my effort to keep her upright. Jeff rushes towards us and helps me lower her to the ground.

“April, April, hon.” He starts rubbing roughly on her chest.

No. No. This can’t be happening. “What’s wrong with her!” I yell, jumping to my feet. Teresa grabs me by the arm, to calm me.

April’s eyes blink open. She tries to sit up, but Jeff keeps his hand on the center of her chest. “Just rest a minute,” he tells her.

She’s embarrassed. “Did I faint?”

“You did. Have you eaten anything today?” he asks.

April laughs, rubbing her temple. “No. You were supposed to bring me food.”

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