Page 76 of All Your Firsts Without Me

He said he was going to look for her in heaven. Why didn’t I notice that before?

Still, this doesn’t mean anything. How could this be possible?

I pull up the article I found about Westin’s accident on my phone.

The star-football player sadly lost both his parents in the accident. Kathryn and James Miller were pronounced dead at the scene.

I spend the rest of night scouring the internet in search of a picture of Westin’s mother. The sun comes up, but I still haven’t found the proof I’m looking for.

If my Kathryn is Westin’s mother, then what does that mean? Was this trulyinevitable?

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Westin

When I get back from my trip, I find April fast asleep on the couch with the letters from David scattered around her. She texted me yesterday saying she had read the last one. I offered to come home but she said she was fine. She doesn’t look fine. I should have come home early.

She wakes with a start. “Oh my gosh. We’re going to be late!”

I watch her rush into the bathroom. I busy myself playing with Lucky to avoid looking at the letters. I don’t want to intrude on their private messages.

“Go on ahead of me. I’ll meet you there.” She opens the door, the shower running behind her. “They will be disappointed if they think we aren’t going to show.”

“Everything okay?” I ask.

She tugs on the hem of her shirt. “I… I do have something I want to talk to you about, but it can wait until we’re done volunteering.”

“Yeah, okay,” I say calmly, but calm is not what I feel. My heart is beating fast, I think it might betray me and burst out of my body.

Something’s wrong.

She’s going to end things.

I just know it. My muse is leaving me.

She’s found me out. She knows I’m not the man David was. Why did I ever think I was good enough for her? She’s discovered I’m an imposter.

My mind runs rampant the entire drive to the nursing home.

April doesn’t come in while I’m singing. Maybe she’s waiting outside. Maybe she’s ghosting me.

As I’m finishing up, a nurse approaches me.

“April asked me to let you know that she is sitting with Fred.”

Relief rushes through my veins but then it’s replaced with a different sort of worry. “I noticed he didn’t join us today.”

The nurse drops her head, sniffling. “He took a turn overnight. He’s not doing very well.”

I place my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry to hear that. Thank you for letting me know.”

She nods, wiping her eyes as she leaves the room.

Fred’s door is partially open. I pause when I hear April singing to him. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand wrapped in hers. His eyes are closed, an oxygen machine pulses quietly on the floor beside them.

He blinks at her, clearing his throat. “I thought you were an angel,” he says, his voice broken and hoarse.

She laughs, “That’s the first time I’ve been called an angel.”

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