Page 54 of All Your Firsts Without Me

“Not like that. I mean stay in the house with me. If you’re okay with sleeping on the couch. I do want to take this further… but not here. I don’t think I’m ready for that,” she says quickly.

Brushing her hair away from her face, I reassure her, “Yes, I will stay.”

Her shoulders drop in relief. The corner of her mouth tugs up on one side. “You could invite me over to your place this weekend, though.” Her cheeks heat to an alarming level and I see the gears in her head turning as she scolds herself for being so bold.

David warned me about times like this. Her fucking dad put a lot of shit in her head.

“Hey, look at me.” She does. “I would love for you to come stay with me this weekend. But we take it at our own pace. There is no right, no wrong. It’s…” I drop my head. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman,” I finally admit. My own cheeks are probably redder than hers.

She cups my face, running her thumbs over my short beard. “Are you nervous about it?”

I nod, feeling a bit humiliated by my admission, but I am nervous. I’m worried about showing her all of me.

“Me too. But we’ll talk our way through it?”

“I’d like that.”

She kisses me, drowning me in all that is her. If only I had gills, I’d never come up for air.

“How about another glass of wine before we head in?” I grab the bottle, but she quickly pulls it away from me.

She holds it in her lap, staring at the label.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, hoping she isn’t allergic to this brand or something.

“It’s a butterfly,” she says in awe.

“Yeah, I bought it because I thought the bottle was cool. I don’t really know much about wine,” I tell her, laughing lightly at how much she seems to like it.

“I’ve been so worried that this is all too soon,” she says quietly. “I’ve been waiting for a sign. Something to let me know that it’s okay. This is it.” April rubs her finger lovingly over the bright blue butterfly on the bottle.

“We should write a song together.”

“What?” She laughs, tears running down her cheeks.

“I think you have a lot of love songs in you.” I gently take the bottle from her.

She accepts her glass with a smile. I announce a toast, “Here’s to the beautiful music we are going to make together.”

Her smile blinds me. She clinks her glass to mine before we take a drink. Our eyes meet over the rim of our glasses.

Can you see this, David? Your little diamond is shining so bright tonight.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

April

I’m going to throw up.

“What about this one?” Teresa holds up a little black negligée.

“I don’t know.” I run the material through my fingers, biting back tears.

“Let me get it for you. My treat,” she says, hurrying to the counter before I can stop her.

I’m not sure why I told her. Maybe I was hoping she would talk me out of this. Tell me it’s crazy, that it’s only been six months. Six lousy months. It’s too soon.

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