Page 55 of All Your Firsts Without Me

But then I think about his hands, his beautiful hands and how they would feel on my skin. See, that’s all it takes to make me ache for him. I’m craving a deeper connection but at the same time, it feels wrong. It feels like I’m cheating on my husband.

The rest of day goes by in a blur and before I know it, it’s time to go to Westin’s.

I’ve packed for the weekend and I’ve given Lucky enough food and water for the night. I’ll have to come back tomorrow and let her out.

I pat her head and tell her I’ll see her in the morning and then I stand there, frozen at the door. I can’t do this.

Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I let my bag drop to the floor.

“Hello,” Westin answers on the first ring.

“Um, hey, I… I don’t think I’m going to make it tonight,” I struggle to keep my voice steady.

“Oh, okay,” he says, trying to hide his disappointment.

Now I feel terrible. So, I make up a lame excuse. “Lucky is looking at me all sad and I don’t think I can leave her. I’m sorry.”

“You can bring Lucky with you. In fact, I was planning on it. I bought everything she’ll need. No worries. I can’t wait to see you.”

He’s excited.

What have I done? My fingers tingle as the room starts to spin. I grab the door frame, trying to pull myself together.

“April?”

“Yeah?” I ask as I lower myself to the floor. Lucky starts licking my face in worry.

“I’ll be right over,” he says before the phone disconnects.

Five minutes later, Westin is pushing through the door. He helps me to my feet and over to the couch. After he grabs a glass of water from the kitchen, he sits down beside me. “Here, take a drink.”

He has to help me because my hands are shaking so much. His eyes go to the bag I abandoned by the door. He sets the glass down and then swipes his palm over his face. I stare at my hands folded in my lap. “You’re having second thoughts?” he asks.

“No, not about us. It’s just…”

“If it’s too soon, we’ll wait. I haven’t been with a woman since I was twenty-two, April. I’m thirty-two now. I’ve survived ten years without a woman’s touch. I’m sure I can make it a bit longer,” he tells me, raising my face to his with a knuckle under my chin.

I give him a shy smile. “There’s my girl,” he says, running his hand along my jaw, settling it along the side of my neck.

“When I’m with you I want to. I really want to, but when we are apart my mind starts getting the best of me, and I get scared.”

“We said we weren’t going to run from each other. You need to be honest with me, April. Because I don’t ever want you to feel pushed into anything you’re not ready for.”

His sea glass green eyes comfort me with their honesty. I’m not in this alone, and I should have just told him what I was feeling from the beginning.

“Do you want to come to my house this weekend? There are no obligations or expectations on my part.”

“Yes, I do want to come. I’m feeling much better now that you’re here. I let my anxiety get the best of me.”

He stands up, pulling me to my feet. “I’ll take your bag and you can follow me in your car with Lucky. I want you to have your car, so you don’t feel trapped. Okay?”

I rise up on my tiptoes after he picks up my bag and place a kiss to his lips. “Thank you,” I say quietly.

He bops me on the end of my nose. “We’re in this together.” He gives me a panty-melting smile as we step out into the evening air.

A few minutes later, we are stepping into Westin’s home.

Lucky is excited to explore a new place. Westin went a bit overboard, spoiling her with new toys and a big fluffy dog bed he placed in front of the windows overlooking the beach.

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