Page 10 of All Your Firsts Without Me

“Thank you for never giving up on me,” she whispers.

“I’ll never give up on you, death won’t change that. I know, my little diamond in the rough will shine brighter than the brightest star in the sky.”

She runs her fingers over my cheek. “You’ve been the best husband.”

CHAPTER FIVE

April

We’ve had an amazing day. The sun was bright, the talk light, and the food delicious. Kaden has entertained us all day with his wild college tales. David glanced at me from time to time, wondering if I felt I had missed out by not living on campus. I don’t. I don’t regret one thing.

I sat on his lap and whispered into his ear that I didn’t need a fumbling college guy when I had an old pro teaching me all the good stuff. He laughed and told me I was right. I know I’m right. David gave me more than any college experience ever could.

As we are cleaning up, a strange feeling overcomes me.

Have you ever watched the sand in an hourglass?

When you get to that final bit of sand, doesn’t it seem to flow faster?

“Teresa, Jeff, can you guys stick around?” David asks. Teresa looks at Jeff nervously but nods.

“Thank you. Kade, April, and I are going to sit on the beach and watch the sun set. It would be good if you stayed.”

Teresa hugs him. Jeff even embraces him. The atmosphere is void of oxygen as I swallow big gulps of air. Darkness encroaches on the edge of my vision as Kaden picks my husband up from his wheelchair. Teresa shoves a folded blanket in my hands, then places a hand firmly in the center of my back, pushing me to follow Kaden down the path to the beach.

No. I don’t want to go. I don’t feel like watching the sun set.

Actually, I don’t want it to set at all.

Not today. Not tomorrow.

I find myself running ahead to lay the blanket out.Why am I not stopping this?But the smile remains on my face. “It was an exceptionally beautiful day today, wasn’t it?” I hear myself say. No. No. Stop, this isn’t happening.

“It was the best,” David replies as Kaden lays him gently on the blanket. “Come here, wife.” He rolls to his side and pats the spot in front of him. I lie down so we are both facing the ocean, my back pressed to his chest. Kaden lies down beside me, turning his face towards the waves. David drapes his arm over me, placing his hand on his son’s chest.

The sun hovers over the horizon as if it too is unwilling to say goodbye. “I’ve loved you two more than any others. Thank you both for loving me back.”

Kaden turns, tears streaming down his face. “You’re the one who taught us both how to love.”

I attempt shifting my body so I can burry myself in my husband’s chest, but he stops me. “Shh, watch the sun set with me, April.”

“I love you,” I whisper. Kaden looks at me sadly and then turns back to watch the sun begin its descent into the sea.

“When I was a little boy and my father passed away, my mother explained death to me. She said my father’s spirit had taken wings like a butterfly and left his body. Just like the butterfly leaves its cocoon. She said his soul had been set free.” He pauses and kisses the back of my head.

“What a beautiful way to teach a child about death. You were lucky to have such a wonderful mother,” I tell him, my hand rubbing over his arm lovingly.

“I was fortunate. I’ve had a beautiful life.”

We lie quietly, watching the sun set and what a spectacular one at that. It’s as if God spared no expense for the ending of this day. Every color of the rainbow is splattered across the darkening canvas. The water reflects the amazing view back to the heavens. The gentle ocean breeze rolls over us, ruffling Kaden’s hair. It’s so peaceful. This, this is why David and I moved here.

Just as the final arch of the sun dips below the surface, a bright blue butterfly flits in front of us, landing on the edge of our blanket. “Dad. Dad, do you see the butterfly?” Kaden whisper-yells to David, unable to take his eyes off the winged creature.

The butterfly flies in front of us, doing an impressive dance in the sky, as if it’s showing off his grand flying skills. “David, do you see it?” I ask, just as a chill courses through me at how still he is against my back. “Kaden,” the tinge of panic in my voice makes him sit up quickly.

He rolls David onto his back, his arm sliding off of me as he does. I turn and stare down into my husband’s rich brown, lifeless eyes. We both turn to watch as the butterfly flies away from us. “No!” I scream, throwing myself over my husband. Not yet. Not yet. There is so much more to do. So much more to say. No! No! No!

Kaden closes his father’s eyes for the last time.

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