Page 9 of All Your Firsts Without Me

“You want to see how many we can catch before they get here?” I ask my son.

“Like you have to ask.” He pushes his plate across the counter towards April, hinting for seconds. “You never have to ask if I want to fish. The answer will always be yes.”

“How do you never gain weight?” she teases, getting up to fill his plate again.

“Do you want to join us?” I ask her. Sometimes she likes to go. She usually finds a quiet spot to sit and write while we fish.

Worry flits over her face as she looks from Kaden to me. She bites her lip before speaking. “No. I want to straighten up before Teresa and Jeff arrive. You two go on without me.” She sets her plate on the counter, then comes around to sit in my lap. This is how we eat breakfast each morning. Kaden used to grumble it was gross, but he’s gotten used to it over the years.

I run my fingers through her golden locks as she eats.

“Were you dreaming about your dad last night?” she asks shyly, looking over her shoulder at me.

My eyes fall closed. I did dream about him last night, but it didn’t feel like a dream. He was standing at the foot of our bed, a fishing pole in each of his hands. I stood, taking a few steps towards him. He stretched his arm out, offering me a pole. “I’ve found the best fishing hole, son. The fish are always biting.” His rich laugh echoed through the room before I woke with a start.

When I open my eyes, April is silently crying. “You did, didn’t you?”

I nod, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “He’s ready to fish with me again.”

“Like grandfather, like father, like son,” she whispers, turning back to her breakfast.

Kaden quickly gets up to rinse his plate. He braces himself against the sink, muscles tense, his arms trembling.

“I’m going to say this once and then from here on out we aren’t going to talk about it.” They both turn to face me. “We knew there would be a time when we’d have to face this head on. That time is now. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. I have no regrets. Not one. So, lets enjoy the time we have left. If you have to cry, cry. If you have something you need to say, say it but, we aren’t going to fight this. It’s happening. Okay?” They both nod in agreement.

We take the time to do everything I spoke about in my little speech, leaving nothing left unsaid.

When Kaden and I go to leave, I tell April that we are only going down to the pier. “If you change your mind, you’ll come find us?”

“Yes, but like I said, I have tons to do before lunch.” She kisses me and shoos us out the door.

My son and I spend the rest of the morning quietly fishing side by side.

When we return, the house is silent. I find April curled up on our bed, hugging my pillow, fast asleep. Her tiny fists are clutched around clouds of tissue.

Oh, baby.

Our love is both a blessing and a curse. The curse, falling in love with an older man, a sick one to boot. If she wouldn’t have grown up with a fanatically religious father, her life would have been so different. Yet, I can’t wish for it to be any other way; call me selfish, but I’m happy that April is in my life. I’m grateful she came into Kaden’s too.

My first wife left Kaden and I when he was two. It destroyed me. I thought I would never be able to trust anyone with our hearts again. Then April materialized out of thin air. I hadn’t planned on letting anyone into our world, but she came in such an unexpected package. She snuck up on me. Before I realized what was happening, she had imbedded herself so far into my heart, there was no way of extracting her, unless I were to rip the bloody thing clean out.

“Baby, it’s time to wake up. Our guests will be here soon.” My heart melts as her nose twitches before she raises her arms above her head in an exaggerated stretch. She reaches for me, wiggling her fingers. I laugh, hoisting myself up beside her, she hasn’t even opened her eyes yet.

“Twenty minutes,” she whispers, her hands slowly creeping under my shirt.

“Okay, baby, just for you. I think I can work my magic in twenty.”

My arms brace either side of her head. She giggles but I quickly swallow it, turning it into a moan of pleasure. My hand slides between her thighs.

I fix my eyes on her face. She’s beautiful, her lips parted, eyes fluttering, head tipped back. This is the reward for my work. God, it’s spectacular.

Her eyes open, finding mine. When her pupils widen, I know she’s close. I fall into those black depths, stealing her pleasure and making it my own.

Kaden hollers from the living room, “Dad, Aunt Teresa is here.”

“Be right there,” I yell.

April and I both laugh as we struggle to catch our breath. I roll off her. My head falls to the side to stare into her eyes. “I never thought I would have a sexual life after my accident. Thank you for giving me that.”

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