Page 82 of Restrictions

Great. My sister is the oldest of the four of us, and I’m the youngest. There’s a big gap between us. Still, she was always a good sister even if we were always in different stages of life.

“About what?” I grab a comb and run it through my hair as she sits up even straighter.

“Are you going to be a broody little asshole this time?”

Fucking really?

I stare at her, her face not apologetic. “No.”

“You sure? Because I could feel the tension between you and Linc already. Mom doesn’t need it.”

“Don’t tell me what mom needs.”

I spent a year doing everything I could to give her exactly what she needed after Colt died. I want Lola to go. I don’t want to be here.

She looks saddened as she stands up, moving in front of me. “Asher... none of us need any fighting. We have to move?—”

“On?” I finish abruptly for her.

“Forward.” Her voice is strong, but I see the pain swimming in her eyes. It’s the same we all have.

Even Linc.

“Just pretend like none of it happened?”

“No. Of course not.” She takes a deep breath, but it’s shaky. “We all miss him.”

I look into her eyes. “Colt. You still can’t say his name, and we’re all acting like everything is fine?” She never says his name.

Her eyes flutter closed, and she takes another deep breath before allowing herself to look at me. “No. Nothing is fine. Nothing.” I hate that she looks like she’s about to cry. “And I can’t say his name. It’s something I struggle with because every single time I start to say his name, it’s like my heart is shredding. So I don’t.”

Fuck.

My own heart feels like it’s been busted into a million pieces. “I’m sorry.”

It’s all I can do—offer a meaningless apology. “I know you miss him, but I need you to remember that we all do.”

“Lola . . .”

“Ash.” Her stare is determined now as her chin lifts. “I know that you were alone in that house after he died. With mom when she couldn’t function.”

“I’m not talking about this.”

She nods her head and squares her shoulders. “I’m here if you want to, but please don’t get into it with Linc.”

“I won’t.”

“I’m not sure whether you two can help it.” She grabs my shoulders. “I love both of you moody assholes, but it’s Thanksgiving. Mom is happy for the first time in years. I want her to stay that way.”

“I won’t say anything. I’ll sit there and eat, smiling like an idiot.”

She laughs and pulls me into a hug. “I don’t believe you.” She shoves me back playfully with a smile on her face. “But at least I tried. And I miss the hell out of you, little brother.”

That does make me smile. “I love you, big sis. Even though you’re a real pain in the ass.”

“That’s what they tell me.” She laughs and starts toward the door. “Let’s go help Mom, okay?”

I nod and follow my sister up the stairs, knowing that she was probably right, and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut.

---