Page 77 of Restrictions

“No? Thanksgiving? Really?”

“Why are you so angry?” I know she doesn’t understand. She can’t.

“I’m going to bed. I’m not going, though.”

I can see her getting frustrated, and I don’t blame her. She’s right, if I want to be inside her, I should respect her enough not to be a dick. ButI’m a fucking dick by nature, so it isn’t easy. “Sebastian and I are going. Nora and Tony are going. Lola will be there. Your whole family will be there.”

“Not everyone.”

Her eyes show understanding, and I flee because I don’t want to do this. I fly down the stairs, angry and pissed-off at the thought of Penelope and Linc playing house in their perfect little world.

Everyone sitting around the table saying what they’re grateful for. All pretending like Colt never existed. No.

I reach my room, stripping out of my shirt and jeans and finding my black shorts, pulling them on just as Vivienne stands in my doorway. Her arms are folded as she leans against the doorframe. “I’m sorry.”

What?I stare at her, dumbfounded. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I’m sure it’s really hard. Every single holiday without him.”

I swallow and sit on the edge of my bed, my knees weak. “Don’t.”

Her eyes roll, and she drops her arms to her side. “Don’t what? Empathize? Care?” She walks to the bed, standing in front of me between my parted legs, one hand brushing through my hair. “Too late.”

I close my eyes, and then slowly open them as I look up at her. “Penelope was Colt’s. And now...”

She doesn’t say a word. She just lets her hand fall from my hair and cups the back of my neck.

“I don’t want to watch them together. They’re together. Fine.” It’s not fine. “But I don’t have to watch it.”

“Sebastian will be heartbroken if you aren’t there.”

I cock my head to the side. “That’s dirty.”

She laughs, and her hand moves to my shoulder as she squeezes gently. “No. It’s just true. But if you don’t want to go, I understand. I do.”

“But he won’t.”

“He’s spent every Thanksgiving since he could eat the food with you. He lives with you. He is going to be upset.”

I would think most people were trying to manipulate me into doing what they want, but with Viv... I know without a doubt she’s just concerned about her son. He’s always her number one priority. I’ve never seen a better parent than her. “I don’t want that.”

“I know you don’t. And I don’t want you to miss out on being with your family.” Her fingers stroke my cheek. “They miss you.”

My throat is dry, and I think about the last Thanksgiving we all spent together. All. My dad on his phone the entire time, shouting at someone who worked for him, surely ruining their Thanksgiving. Lola was ready to leave the moment she stepped in the door. Linc was pissy as usual. I was high from the weed I’d smoked in my bedroom right before dinner. My mom was buzzing around, trying her damnedest to make everything appear perfect. Colt and Penelope were sitting across from me with their hands in each other’s under the table. I know that because I dropped my fork and bent down to pick it up, their affection for each other making me sick at the time.

They were the golden couple.

He loved her, and how everything went so fucking sideways, I’ll never know. Because I didn’t ask questions. I was in my own world. Knowing I would never be like him. Knowing I never wanted to be like my parents. Accepting I was most like Linc.

“I can’t do it, Viv. I can’t.”

She’s trying to understand. “Because it will be at their house?”

I spent Thanksgiving with them last year and the year before that when my mom hosted. That’s why she’s so confused. “Yes.”

Their house. The two words make me sick.

She sighs and sits next to me on the bed. “Think about it. We’ll be there too.” Her voice is quieter now. “I’ll be there.”

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