Page 52 of Restrictions

She tilts her head to the right. “Thank you for always pointing that out.”

I smile, shaking my head at her pout. “It’s not an insult.”

“I’ve always struggled with being who they wanted me to be and being me. Of just going after what I want.”

I’m not a guy who sits around and talks about feelings and the past. I’m just not built that way, but I find myself fascinated by her, transfixed by her story. “Everyone does it.” I shrug, being honest. “I mean, I didn’t think you did, but I’m glad you do. Four years is way too long withoutan orgasm.” That’s assuming she had an orgasm the one and only time she had sex, and God, I don’t want to know.

She smiles, her head moving from side to side like I’m ridiculous, but she kind of likes it.

I scoot down toward her, leaning forward so she understands me clearly. “And it was hot as fuck.”

Now the blush sneaks into her cheeks, and she looks away, covering her mouth as she laughs into her hand and turns back to look at me. “Thanks. I agree. But can we just not talk about it anymore?”

I nod, but I’m not making any promises.

She surprises me when she lays down on her back, facing my ceiling, letting her toes barely touch the floor. “You can talk to me, you know. We’re friends, whether you want to admit it or not, and I really care about you.”

I lay down next to her, my legs a hell of a lot longer and my feet resting flat on the wood floor below as I turn to look at her, her head swivels to the side to look at me. “I don’t know who I am.”

Her smile is slight. “You’re Asher.”

I offer a quick laugh and look up at the ceiling. ‘It was like my entire life, everyone was always watching me to see which one of my brothers’ leads I would follow. I can hear my father asking me when I was young if I was going to be a fuckup like Linc or have it together like Colt?”

“That’s a terrible thing for a father to say.”

I turn to look at her again, brushing her long bangs out of her eyes and tucking them behind her ear. “He’s a terrible father.” It’s not like she doesn’t have experience in that area, but still she looks saddened. “I was always teetering on the edge. Not sure who I admired more. Linc,” I grin thinking about my oldest brother, “that fucker never once gave a damn about what my parents thought. He just did whatever the fuck he wanted.” Still does. And that thought makes me bitter as the pang in my chest is almost unbearable as my eyes slide back up to the ceiling. “Colt,...” I swallow, the movement in my throat painful, thinking about the brother I lost.

I feel her small hands move to my chest, the touch welcomed, but I know I can’t return it and keep my hands at my sides. “I think it’s good to talk about this.”

“He was a lot like you. So perfect. Always doing what our parents,mainly my dad, wanted. And I never really saw how close he was to cracking until right before he died.”When he had an affair and conceived an illegitimate child.

I hear her sigh. “No one is ever actually perfect.”

I nod my head, still looking up. “But he seemed like it. Especially when we were kids, and around fourteen, I decided there was no way in hell I was ever going to live up to him. So I went the other way.”

Her hand remains over my heart, and I wonder if she can feel it thundering in my chest. “The first time I fucked a girl, I was so drunk I still can’t believe my dick was hard.” I shrug. “But I was fourteen, so my dick was always hard.”

She laughs quietly at that, but pulls her hand away, rolling to her side to face me. “You were only fourteen?”

I roll to my side, facing her and trying like hell to ignore the low neckline of her t-shirt and how her tits are pressed together in the position that she’s in. “Yeah. I went all in, fucking any chick who would let me. Drinking all the time. Getting high. Sneaking out. Sneaking into girls’ rooms.” I pause and look into her eyes and smirk. “Invited, of course.”

She nods.” Of course.”

“I wanted to give Linc a run for his money. Wanted our parents to tell himhewas being likeme.”

“That’s a lot for a fourteen-year-old.”

“It was. And you know, no one really noticed. Everyone always had more going on. Which is fine.” I struggle with what comes next. I don’t like talking about this, but I know she cares, and now that I’ve started, I can’t seem to stop. “And then Colt died.”

She flinches the way everyone does when death is mentioned because even if they say it’s a part of life, it’s still not something most people are comfortable with.

“And everyone left. Linc was already in college. So was Lola. Penelope went off to school. My dad left. It was just me and mom.”

“I can’t imagine your mom being anything less than perfect even in the very worst of circumstances.”

I know that she loves my mom, and so do I, but I’ve seen a side of her that no one else has. “She imploded, Viv. Rightfully so.” I can’t be angry with her. “I’m not mad at her for it, but she lost one of fourkids, and it was like none of us who were still alive mattered for a bit.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean for you to feel that way. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child.”

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