Page 91 of Blue

“Do you think you can handle being here? You won’t find black, but Romeo still has his weed, Kodiak enjoys a line of coke, and the girls all get drunk on the weekends.”

Just hearing the name Kodiak had my heart pounding hard enough to break out of my chest.

“The MC isn’t dealing in heroin, guns, or stolen parts anymore,” he continued, “but Hellers are always going to find trouble.”

“You mean, trouble will find you.”

His lips twitched. I’d say it was almost a smile. “Something like that.” He lit a cigarette as we walked.

“Kodiak and Vega?” How did I approach the topic and not incriminate myself? Or maybe it was time I accepted all my punishments.

“Former Crawlers. Bullet brought them in.”

I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, afraid to say more.

Rogue’s tattooed arms flexed with muscle just from walking and smoking a cigarette. He could strangle me with one of his massive hands orsquish me like a bugbeneath his huge boot.

“At some point, you’re going to need to talk to Blade. This is his club. You want back in, you need to tell him about the shit that went down with the Crawlers.”

I lifted my gaze to his. “You know?”

“Stay off the dope, and we can fix the rest. Not everyone was a no vote on you coming back to the club.”

“Really? Who voted for me to stay? Did you?”

“I’m not giving you names. All you need to know is that everyone in that room voted because they got love for you.” He blew a stream of smoke from his nostrils. “And they got love for Blue. Between me and you, what the fuck is going on with him?”

I stared at the ground.

“Dammit, Kiss. He hasn’t been the same since you and him started hooking up. Knock off the bullshit. Blue has changed. He doesn’t laugh anymore. Seven nights out of the week, you could find him here with Hana, Jazzy, and the girls. Now, he’s never around. Now, he’s got Cruz breaking every traffic law to get to him before he does something stupid. Now, he’s leaving dead drug dealers in bathtubs, punching holes in bathrooms, and this is just the shit I know about.”

With each word he spoke, his voice grew louder.

“Give me a reason to trust you,” he demanded. “Because all I got right now is a kid sinking fast, and you have a history of doing the same.”

I pivoted away from him, but before I could run, Rogue gripped my shoulder.

“Prove me wrong,” he said.

I jerked free of his grasp. “I’m not bad for Blue.” God, I was getting tired of the tears. My eyes stung. “I’m fighting for him. I’m fighting for me.”

I could tell him that Blue and I weren’t hooking up. Our sex life was none of his business. Blue’s fears weren’t a weakness, but he’d see them that way. Hellers bragged about their pursuits of pleasure, bikes, and pussy.

“I don’t know what’s going on with Blue,” I said. “He doesn’t talk about his past, or his family, or his feelings. I thought Dozer was closed off. Blue’s a fucking fortress. You’re his Heller brother. But you told him the one person he’s connected to can’t come to the one place where he felt he belonged.” I spat the word as if it tasted bitter. “Bullet is supposed to be one of his best friends and a mentor. He would’ve done anything for Bullet, and Bullet shit on him the first time he put someone above the club. Me.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Yes, it is. Blame me if it makes you feel better. Right now, I’m blaming myself.”

Blue didn’t change because of me, but being with me exposed the cracks he never wanted anyone to see. If something happened to him, I’d never forgive myself.

“I’m not blaming you.” Rogue rested a hand on my shoulder. “We’re both worried about Blue. It’s good to see you have a bit of fire in you.”

He directed me back toward the entrance to the club. Once inside, he led me up to the pool table. A blonde girl leaned over the edge and hit the last ball into the corner pocket, then picked up a ten-dollar bill off the rail cushion.

When she spotted me, she handed her stick to Murph. Then she stepped down the few steps.

“McKelle, this is Kiss. Maybe you could take her somewhere private.”

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