Page 75 of Blue

“Blade.”

“Blade what?”

I twisted around, staying on the ledge, and faced her. “The board made a decision. Dozer, Blade, Romeo, Torch, and Rogue.” I ticked off their names on my fingers. “Every one of our friends care about you. They know we got something going. No one has issue with that. Not Levi. Not Romeo. But they think the club is too much for you.”

“And what do you think?”

My jaw ached from the tight clench.

“Blue?”

“I don’t know.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, Kiss, I don’t fucking know.” I stood and took a step toward her.

She countered taking a step away from me. “Blue, you’re scaring me because I don’t know who you are right now. You don’t trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust.”

“Yes, it is. You don’t trust me with the fucking truth. You don’t trust me when I tell you I won’t use. You. Don’t. Trust. Me.”

“I do!”

“Then tell me what’s wrong between us.”

“Am I scared of relapse? Fuck, yes, I’m scared. I can’t lose you again. When I’m with you, and you’re telling me everything I want to hear, I’m legit good. But I get around Blade, Dozer, Rogue” –my voice grew louderwith every name– “Romeo, and Torch, then I don’t know what to think. They know you better than I do.”

“How can you say that?” She took a jarring step away from me. “I’m ready to go home.” She snatched her gloves off the ground.

“Kiss.” The rough gravelly tone barely camouflaged the fear in my voice.

She shook her head and headed to the ladder.

I grabbed my gloves and rushed after her. “Let me go first.”

She stepped to the side, and I climbed over the wall, braced my feet on the rung, and held still, staring at her. A light breeze ruffled her blonde hair, tears reflected in her eyes, and her lips quivered with a broken frown.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and took one step down, then another. “Okay, step over.”

She carefully climbed over the wall and placed her feet on the rungs.

“Take it slow,” I said.

“It’s fine, Blue. You don’t have to worry. Trust that I know how to climb down a ladder.” She took another step down.

“And trust that I’m always going to be right here, ready to catch you if you fall.”

Kiss

I clung to Blue as we rode home. He was hurting, but so was I. I’d done this. I’d created the mistrust because I’d never been trustworthy. Where did I go from here? Sully wouldn’t kick me out, but I wasn’t going to stay. I’d rather leave before the situation escalated to ugly with Heather.

And I didn’t want to be around Rogue, not if he was just waiting around for me to relapse, too. If I was never going to be back at the MC, I had to make new friends, new sober friends. The kind you find at meetings.

Blue pulled along the garage and cut the engine to the bike. I climbed off, but before I could escape, he gently banded his fingers around my wrist. Warmth from his hand seeped into my skin. Shivers chased up my arm, fluttered into my chest, and sent a kaleidoscope of butterflies into my belly.

His touch was my high. The scent of him, the deep seductive timbre of his voice, and his broken fucking pieces were becoming my addiction.

“I’m sorry.”

I paused but stared at my feet. I couldn’t look in his eyes. Seeing him hurt only made me need him more. “I’m not angry,” I whispered. “But I don’t want to talk.”