Page 76 of Blue

“I didn’t say anything about the club because I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know.” I took a step back, and he let me go. “But you can’t protect me from the truth. You can’t protect me from myself.” Maybe for the first time, I wanted to be clean. I wanted to handle my shit. “I don’t want you to.”

Blue stayed on his bike, and I headed to the house. As soon as I had my key in the lock, the engine revved, and he took off. My heart ached, but we both needed to think about whether or not we were good for each other.

I kept hurting him, and he’d just shown how he could hurt me.

***

Sully came home. I listened to him bustle around the kitchen, flip off lights, and use the restroom. These wallswere thin. His mattress squeaked, and he groaned. Ten minutes later, soft snores filtered into my room from his.

Until Blue came home, I wasn’t going to be able to sleep. I rolled onto my side, and thought about all the reasons why he wouldn’t have told me about Blade. A couple of hours alone had given me perspective. Whywouldthey want me back at the club?

It had been a long time since we were kids, kissing in the playhouse, stealing cigarettes and beer from our dads, and dreaming about all the cool shit we’d do when we grew up.

While I’d become a junkie, the crew made their dreams come true. The guys had the MC, Levi had a baby, and Jazzy was going to be on the fucking board. She was always the rockstar of the group.

I remember telling Blue I wasn’t very likeable. I guess now he’d believe me.

A rumble rolled down the street. My pulse jumped, then slowed because it wasn’t Blue. The vehicle faded into the distance.

How could I miss what I never really had? I ran with Blade and the others, but I’d made choices that ruined it all anyway. They didn’t really like me then, so why would they want me around now? And the fucked up part was that those were my favorite memories. At least, they were my only truly good memories.

Until Blue.

Even though I wasn’t doing heroin, my addictions still poisoned everything good I could have in my life.

Getting high made dealing with my emotions easier because I didn’t have to care about anyone, not even myself. I fought the tears welling in my eyes. I hated that I cried all the time.

I hated this sour feeling in my stomach.

I cared about Blue. God, I’d fallen hard for him. This was why I always went back to black. Black didn’t have feelings either.

A motorcycle rumbled slowly down the road, the engine growing louder, then cutting off. My pulse rabbited, and my ears tuned to the key in the lock, the twist of the knob, and the soft thud of the door closing. Flooring creaked as Blue came down the hall.

My breath froze, and I waited. Would he come into my room?

No. The door opened across the hall and closed with a quiet click. I closed my eyes as tears slipped onto my cheek and soaked into my pillow.

This shouldn’t feel like shit. I’d told him I didn’t want to talk, but I wanted more than the silence between us. At least, he was home.

***

I must have cried myself to sleep because sunlight cut through the gap in the curtains. Outside my door, Sully’s muffled voice floated from the kitchen. I scrambled out of bed, pulled my tangled hair into a messy ponytail on top of my head, and opened my bedroom door.

The scent of coffee filled the kitchen. Rogue sat at the table across from Blue and Sully. For a moment, conversation stopped. Blue cast a quick glance at me. Then he turned away and took a sip of his coffee.

“Good morning, peanut.” Sully winked. “Are you hungry?”

“Just coffee,” I said and crossed to the counter.

“Jazzy’s at the hospital.” Rogue tipped his mug, finishing his coffee. “She can’t stay away from the little bird.”

“Levi had the baby?” I asked.

“Yesterday,” he said. “Rosaline Sparrow. She’s pink and tiny just like Levi.”

Sully chuckled. “Jazzy said she’s a pretty little thing just like her pretty boy daddy.”

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