Page 87 of Blue

His motorcycle rumbled. He really was leaving.

I couldn’t move.

The engine roared out of the driveway and faded into the distance. Oh god. He was gone. I couldn’t swallow past the tight coil of fear in my throat or breathe through the pain in my chest. Oh god. What was I supposed to do?

He’d left me. As the words repeated in my mind, a crippling heaviness cloaked me in disbelief. I’d told him I loved him.

And he’d left. He’d walked away, giving up on me.

“Fuck you,” I yelled. “I’m not going to let you give up on us.”

I rushed into my room and grabbed the phone he’d purchased for me.

Kiss: You promised me you wouldn’t leave.

Kiss: You promised you’d never give up on me.

My thumbs flew across the keypad.

Kiss: You promised the worst was over. This hurts, Blue.

Kiss: You promised I was stronger than black. But I’m not strong without you.

Tears blurred my vision and dripped from my chin.

I continued to text, but if he was riding, he wouldn’t respond. I went to the bathroom, splashed water on myface, and tugged on my jeans. With each minute that passed, my thoughts darkened. I replayed the conversation from yesterday. Maybe he was trying to tell me he was ready to jump.

Jesus Christ. Rapid pounding of my pulse had blood rushing through my head. My tongue thickened with the taste of heroin.

Kiss: You promised to be here for me.

He could give up on me, but I’d never give up on him.

Kiss: You promised never to lie to me.

I ran back to the kitchen. I had no money, no vehicle, and no idea how to fix this. Even if I had Jazzy’s car, I wouldn’t remember how to get to the flour mill. Oh god. I was going to lose him.

Please, no.

I paced the floor.

Kiss: Please call me.

Blue: Baby, trust me. All you need is your meetings. Nothing can come before your sobriety.

I read through my tears.

Blue: Not even me. I won’t be good for you.

Our next texts came in on top of each other, both of us fighting to be heard.

Kiss: I love you so fucking much.

Blue: You’ve got everything you need. Sully, your sponsor, and you’ll meet someone. Someone who can love you—

I didn’t want to read any more. The phone slipped from my fingers and dropped to my lap. I covered my face with my hands, gulped a breath, and sobbed through my tears.

Minutes felt like an eternity. Blue wouldn’t want me asking for help, but I could barely handle making toast.He wasn’t giving me a choice. I couldn’t call Sully, or any of the crew. There was only one Heller I could trust. I needed Cruz. Talking to anyone else would feel like a betrayal. Cruz had already proven his loyalty to Blue.

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