Page 13 of Blue

“OD’d on what?” I asked because there was bathroom cleaner on the counter, and Blue had injected the rest of what was in the barrel. Or had he? He wasn’t high.

He closed the space between us. In the darkness of the trailer, his eyes still glowed bright blue. I wanted to lean into him, to beg him to hold me. I wanted to steep in the scent of him. Leather and the hint of his cologne. I could smell the sweat on his skin.

“I warned him what would happen if he put another needle in your arm.” His breath was warm on my face.

“You killed him.” I should feel something for Sam, but I couldn’t. I’d been too scared for Blue. I was confused, yet so relieved he wasn’t high.

“I guess I didn’t want to believe you’d choose heroin over me.” He touched my cheek, then his hand dropped away. “But all you need is a needle. You’ll have to pull it out of Sam’s arm. He had a few more balloons in his pocket. I guess you decided you’d rather die. If you want to do something for me, make it quick, and shoot it all at once. You’re dope sick, and I’m sick of giving a fuck about you.”

Kane waited by the door with Cruz. Blue joined them.

“Let’s go.” The door swung open, and he walked out.

Pain ripped through my chest, my nostrils flared, and I couldn’t breathe. A cyclone of panic coiled within me. Every thread had frayed. Every dream had become a nightmare. Black was the lover I couldn’t quit. My best friend. When everything hurt, black took it all away. I’dlost everything to it. I hated sober me. High me didn’t care about anything or anyone.

Tears burned in the back of my throat.

Nothing was more important than Blue. I rushed across the room, threw open the door, and ran down the steps. “Wait!”

Blue stopped in the yard and spun in my direction.

“Don’t go.” I licked my lips and crossed my arms over my chest. “Will you please talk to me?” Would he walk away? I wouldn’t blame him if he did. I wouldn’t want me either.

“I’ll catch up with you later at the MC,” he said to Cruz.

Kane bumped his fist against Blue’s then Blue crossed the yard back to me. He pointed to the porch.

I sat on the top step and leaned against the trailer. Blue sat on the bottom step, facing me, with his back against the porch railing.

For a moment, we just sat in silence. A motorcycle rumbled in the distance. And then I knew we were alone.

“I guess you’re waiting for me to say something.” I rubbed my hands on my thighs then wrapped my arms around my shins.

“You said you wanted to talk.”

I breathed in a deep inhale and slowly released it. Now that I had the chance to tell him how I felt, I didn’t know what to say.

“Out with whatever you want to say.” His voice softened. “I’m listening, Kiss.”

“I couldn’t believe you were going to shoot up.” I couldn’t look at him. “Why would you want to be like me?”

“I don’t.” He stretched out his long legs. “You think I’d stick that shit in my veins? I care about you, but I’m not going to fuck my life up for you.”

But he’d risked his life tonight. My dealer was dead in the bathtub because I’d asked him to keep me from getting sick.

“I saw the needle go into your arm.”

“You were high.”

“I know. But I don’t understand what happened.”

He lifted his head, and those eyes pierced my soul. “There was nothing left in the barrel. I barely poked the skin. The only thing I risked is hepatitis C because you’re sharing fucking needles.”

“They test me at the needle exchange center. Sam was going to use my needle tonight, but I’ve never used his.”

“You just suck his dick.”

My brows furrowed. “You can’t understand what it’s like.”

---