Page 14 of Blue

Blue growled and leaned his head back. “You’re right. I don’t because I deal with my shit.”

Neither of us spoke for a minute. “You scared me, and I didn’t know how to stop you.”

“I know the feeling.” His reply landed with the force he intended. I did this to him every time we separated. Typical Kiss collateral damage. The last six weeks hadn’t been hard for me. I’d escaped any emotions by getting high.

This time was different. I hurt Blue. “Is that why you did it?”

He stared up at the sky. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe because I wanted to piss you off. Being your friend hasn’t been enough.” He picked up a pebble and tossed it into the street. “I wanted you to care aboutsomething besides getting high. I can’t watch you kill yourself, but I know I can’t stay away from you either.”

“You’re the only friend I have.” I wanted so much more. I wanted him to put his arms around me. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, to taste his mouth, and I wanted him to fill this emptiness inside me. “I’m not clean, but I’m not high. I didn’t want you to see me going through withdrawals. If I don’t take a small hit, I’m dope sick. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

Mollified by my confession, the tension seemed to leave his shoulders. “You don’t have to hide from me. I’d rather see you sick than sticking a needle in your arm. You need help.”

“I can quit.” Tears filled my eyes. “I’m scared.” I covered my face with my hands. My body trembled as if my mind knew better than I the hell I was going to go through. “Don’t leave me here.”

“Ah, baby.” And then he was there, pulling me to my feet and banding his arms around me. I clung to him, burrowing into his warmth. His T-shirt was soft, and his chest was hard against my cheek. “I wouldn’t have left you.”

Not the way I’d left him when he needed me. “I’m sorry,” I choked on a sob. “I’m sorry I left you at the MC. I’m sorry I couldn’t handle being there.” I couldn’t handle seeing him hurt.

His fingers sank into my hair, and his lips pressed against my forehead. “You need to go back to rehab.”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t work. I can quit, though. I promise. I can do it on my own.” I canted my face toward his. “If you stay with me.”

“You need to medically detox. Let’s go talk to Willow.”

I braced my hands on his chest as anxiety fired through my blood. “I can’t. Please, Blue. I know how I sound, but I can’t go to Levi’s mom for help. I don’t want anyone to know that I fucked up again. I just need you. We can stay at your place.”

“My place is Blade’s room at the MC. I lost my apartment when I lost my job.” He took a step back from me. “Listen, I know you’ve got issues with Levi. But you need someone stronger than me to get you through this.”

“I can’t.”

“Jesus.” He held me again. “What the fuck, Kiss? Levi was your best friend.”

“I know. And I know you’re right. Willow would help, but I’ve hurt Levi so many times.” My face pinched as a fresh wash of tears slipped onto my cheeks. “I gotta get clean first.”

“We can’t stay here,” Blue said. “Get your backpack.”

I hurried into the trailer, grabbed it off the floor, swung it onto my back, and rejoined Blue on the porch.

“What about Sam?” I asked.

“Fuck Sam.”

We quietly made our way to Blue’s bike. He straddled the seat and held the bike while I climbed on.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

I couldn’t go back to the MC, not like this. Some of my best memories were with Levi, Romeo, and the group. But I’d done some sick shit in the MC, too. I wasn’t ready to face all that, not yet. But there was one person I could trust. My heart rabbited when I thought of facing her. She had a way of seeing through my lies.

But if I wanted to get clean, I’d need her. “Take me to Jazzy.”

ChapterThree

Blue

Time was moving too fast. Kiss rode on the back of my bike. Her thin arms circled my waist, and her fingers slid under my cut and curled into my T-shirt. She felt good behind me. With slow breaths, I tamped down the anxiety scorching through me.

She has her hands on me.

---