Page 108 of Tamed By You

She gives me a small smile. “Hey.”

I sit up, rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands. “Shit, sorry, I must have fallen asleep.” I stretch my back, pain radiating down my spine from being hunched over and sitting on the floor.

“Come here,” she says quietly, pulling back her comforter and inviting me in beside her. I don’t hesitate for a second, itching to be close to her. I sit, still leaving a small gap between our bodies, not wanting to push her too far.

I look into her eyes, searching her face for any clues that might tell me how she is, and before I can answer she does it for me.

“I’m okay, I’m feeling better.”

I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling anxious and nervous around her, my palms becoming clammy and itchy, unsure of what to say or how to act. This is new to me, so different from how we usually are. I want to take hold of her, wrap her in my arms, kiss her, show her that nothing has changed, that I still feel the same way I always have about her. But I don’t think that is what she needs right now, no matter how badly I want to.

“Brad came to see me earlier,” she says. Another silence falls between us, only the New York traffic echoing through her open window filling the void.

“He told me about Tori and what you both went through.” My chest starts to feel tight at the mention of my sister. I don’t like to think about that time, the memories too painful, the images of her laid there, motionless, etched in my brain forever.

She surprises me by linking her fingers with mine and giving my hand a squeeze.

“What happened. It wasn’t your fault, none of it.” Her voice is a little shaky and I’m too scared to speak, knowing I will barely be able to get out the words because, even though I know deep down I am not to blame for Scotty’s death, for how Tori coped with her grief, I can’t help it, and now I carry yet anotherweight around. Should I have known something was up with Ali? Should I have noticed that maybe the reason she tried to keep me at arm’s length, push me away, was because underneath this harsh exterior she presents to the world, is someone who is just as broken as the rest of us?

All I can do is nod as I bite the inside of my cheek.

“… and… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I pushed you away and didn’t tell you I just—” Her words do something to me. I feel my body relax under the weight of her words. A glimmer of hope surfaces and she has just confirmed everything I thought that she pushed me away to protect herself.

“It’s okay, I get it,” I say, squeezing her hand back. “This changes nothing, Ali. I still feel the same way about us, about you.”

She looks down at her lap and lets out a long breath before she looks back up at me. Her tear-filled eyes lock with mine and I just want to take all her pain away.

“Before you stand by that statement, I think you need to know everything. I’m terrified to tell you, but I am trying not to let the fear win.”

“Okay, I’m here. I’m listening,” I tell her, never letting go of her hand as she closes her eyes, preparing herself to bear her secrets to me. My stomach is in thick knots in anticipation of what she is going to tell me.

She straightens her body, like a soldier preparing for battle.

“I want to tell you about Iris…”

Chapter Fifty-One

Ali

Iris, a name that plagues my thoughts and haunts my nightmares. A name that has rarely left my lips unless I’m calling for her in my sleep.

I take a deep breath, knowing it’s now or never. It may be a risk baring the darkest and rawest parts of me, but for him, I need to; I want to. If we are to work, really work, then I need to be brave and tell him everything.

“The night I was attacked, I’d won Miss Teen America. I got the crown, and the plan was I would then compete internationally. My mom was thrilled, gushed to everyone how proud she was, how I was destined for big things, but the truth was, she was happy about the big paycheck I had won her.” I pause.

“Take your time,” he says softly, giving my hand a comforting squeeze, giving me the boost to continue.

“There was a party, but I hated every minute of it. I was just an object to everyone, no one really spoke to me. They just wanted me for photos and comments about how it felt to be crowned. I was primed to be pretty and nothing more.”

He’s looking straight at me, a softness with a hint of sadness I haven’t seen before etched all over his face.

“I needed to get away from it all, so I took myself to the dressing room, knowing no one would be in there. He followed me in there, my agent. He was drunk. He had always been a sleaze, but when he came in that room, I knew the minute the door closed behind him I was in danger. He…”

“Ali,” he soothes. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, okay? But I am here to listen to you. Whatever you feel safe sharing, I’m listening.”

I smile, grateful he understands that the next words will be hard to say. I don’t want to relive the actions of that night. I have buried them so far in the back of my brain I don’t think I could ever fully relive it.

“He saw that as his opportunity to take advantage of me. I tried to stop him, tried to fight him off, but I couldn’t.” Just for a second, I am back in that dressing room and an unbearable weight feels as if it's landed on my chest.

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