Page 52 of Bozo

Her words hit me like a physical blow. The last thing I ever wanted was to cause her pain. I take a step toward her, closing the distance between us. "Grá," I say, my voice rough with emotion, "I never meant to hurt you."

She looks up at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I know you didn't. But that doesn't change how I feel."

I reach out, cupping her face in my hands. Her skin is soft under my palms, and I can feel her pulse racing. "Tell me what to do, Sunshine. Tell me how to fix it." I can’t fucking lose her. It’s just not an option. “What can I do?”

Gráinne stares at me, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Connor, you can't have it both ways. You can't expect me to be okay with just friends right now. I’m not able to turn off my feelings like a fucking light switch. You may find it easy to push me away but I can’t?—"

I release her and run a hand through my hair, frustration building inside me. "I'm not pushing you away, Grá. I'm trying to protect you."

"From what?" she demands, her voice rising. "From you? From your world? I told you, I'm already a part of it."

"You don't understand?—"

"Then make me understand!" she shouts, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "Stop making decisions for me and just talk to me, Con!"

I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Grá, my life is dangerous. The things I do, the people I deal with... it's not safe. And the thought of you getting caught up in that, of you getting hurt because of me..." I shake my head. The thought is too much to bear.

Her expression softens slightly, but the determination in her eyes doesn't waver. "Con, I'm not some fragile doll that needs to be protected. I'm stronger than you give me credit for."

"I know you're strong," I say, my voice low. "You're the strongest woman I know, but that doesn’t change things.”

She sighs, her arms hanging loosely by her sides. “So that’s it then?” she asks, sounding defeated.

I don’t know what the hell to say. There’s nothing left to be said. We both know where we stand. I just wish that things were different. That I wasn’t such a fucking coward. If I could, I’d be with her in a heartbeat.

“I want to go home,” she whispers as she turns away from me and starts to walk toward her house.

I follow her, not willing to leave her alone, knowing the darkness that lurks in the shadows.

We walk in silence, the tension between us thick and heavy. This isn’t something I’m used to. Things between Grá and I have always been easy, carefree, stress free.

As we near her apartment building, I notice her steps slowing. She turns to face me, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"Con," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't want to lose you."

The vulnerability in her voice tears at my heart. I step closer, unable to resist the pull she has on me. "You won't lose me, Sunshine. Not ever."

She looks up at me, her gaze searching mine. "But things can't stay the same, can they?"

I swallow hard, knowing she's right. Things have shifted between us, and there's no going back. "No," I admit. "They can't."

Gráinne nods, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "So what do we do now?"

I reach out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. My fingers linger on her cheek, and I feel her lean in to my touch. "I don't know," I say honestly. "But we'll figure it out. Together."

She takes a shaky breath, her eyes never leaving mine. "Okay,” she whispers, a tear falling from her eyes. “Goodnight, Connor.”

I press a kiss to her forehead. “Night, Sunshine,” I reply, my voice hoarse.

I watch as she enters her home and feel a heaviness settle over my chest. She closes the door behind her, not once looking backward.

Christ, what the fuck have I done?

SEVENTEEN

GRÁINNE

“Another one for you, Grá,” Sandra tells me with a sigh. “It’s busy tonight.”

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