Page 51 of Bozo

"Whatever, man. She's not worth the trouble anyway," he mutters, trying to save face as he slinks away into the crowd.

I turn to Gráinne, my eyes scanning her for any sign of harm. "You okay, Grá?"

She nods, still trembling slightly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Con."

I want to pull her into my arms, to hold her and never let go. But I can't. Instead, I settle for placing my hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the exit.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

We step out into darkness, and I feel Gráinne take a deep breath beside me. She's still shaking, and I can't help but pull her closer to my side.

"Your place isn't far," I say, trying to keep my voice neutral when all I want to do is go back in there and kill that motherfucker for putting his hands on her. "We can grab a taxi if you want."

Gráinne looks up at me, her eyes shining in the streetlights. "Can we just walk for a bit? I need to clear my head."

We start walking in comfortable silence, my hand still on her back. I can feel the tension slowly ebb away from her.

"I'm sorry, Con. I shouldn't have gone out tonight. I just needed a distraction."

I glance down at her, a frown furrowed between my brows. "A distraction from what?"

She sighs, running a hand through her hair. "Everything. Work, life... you."

My steps falter for a moment. "Me?"

Gráinne stops walking and turns to face me. "Con, I can't keep doing this. I've been trying to protect our friendship, but the truth is I want more. But you—" she pauses, shaking her head.

My heart is racing as I watch her. The fuck is going on? "But me, what, Grá?"

She takes a shaky breath. "But you’ll never want more. You’re never going to want more. You’ll never want me that way."

Is she for real? “Grá,” I say thickly. “If there was anyone in this world that I’d want more with, it’s you. You’re the only one that I’d ever…” I pause, my heart hammering in my chest. The words are right there, on the tip of my tongue, but I can't seem to get them out. Gráinne's looking at me with those big, beautiful eyes, a mixture of hope and fear swirling in their depths.

"The only one you'd ever what, Con?" she whispers, her voice barely audible over the sound of passing cars and the distant thrum of the city.

I swallow hard, my throat suddenly dry. "The only one I'd ever want to be with," I finally manage to say. "But Grá, you deserve so much better than me. I'm not good for you."

She takes a step closer, her hand coming up to rest on my chest. I can feel the warmth of her palm through my shirt, and it takes everything in me not to pull her against me.

"Don't you think I should be the one to decide what's good for me?" she says, her voice stronger now. "Con, I've known you for years. I know who you are, what you do. And I still want you."

My hands move of their own accord, coming to rest on her hips. "Grá, you don't understand. The things I've done, the things I might have to do... I can't drag you into that world."

She shakes her head, a small, sad smile on her lips. "I'm already in that world, Con. I've been in it since you brought me to Jer.” She gives me a sad smile and takes a step backward. “But I get it,” she says, her voice soft and filled with sadness. “I need you to understand that you’re amazing, Connor, that you’re worthy of love.” She takes yet another step backward, and the space she’s putting between us is pissing me the fuck off. “I don’tthink I can wait around for you to find out if you’ll ever be ready for more.”

I grit my teeth. This is what I was dreading. I knew there’d come a time when she’d want more, when I wouldn’t be able to give her what she needs.

Fuck, I can’t speak. I can’t do anything but watch her and pray that she doesn’t walk away.

I hear her heavy sigh, watching the disappointment seep into her eyes. “I think,” she says as she licks her lips, her gaze sliding to the left, away from me, “that it may be best to have some space.”

My jaw clenches. “Not going to happen,” I say. Not a fucking chance. “I get that you want a fuck of a lot more than I can give you, Sunshine, but I ain’t going anywhere.”

“What?” she splutters. “But you just said that you can’t give me what I want.”

I nod. “I can’t, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give you space. Not done that in all the years I’ve known you. Why the fuck should I do that now?”

Gráinne stares at me, her eyes wide with confusion and frustration. "Because it hurts, Con," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "It hurts to be around you, to want you, and know that I can't have you."

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