Page 80 of Crazy Imperfect Hearts

Could it be Regan has come to her senses and doesn’t want to keep carrying on with the likes of me?

That would be a smart move, even if it means giving up the lifestyle my wealth would afford her and the baby.

Or it could simply mean she’s not pregnant. This is about the time she’d find out, right?

We haven’t talked, texted, or even crossed paths since the night she came to my apartment. And as much as I’ve tried to deny it, I’ve missed her. I’ve missed her way more than I should, given the transactional nature of our relationship. And it’s why I’m going to have to hurt her. Not in the way I’ve hurt the other women in my past, but I know she’ll be disappointed that I’m backing out. She’s probably gotten used to the idea of me being her baby daddy by now. Maybe she’s even gotten a little excited about what the extra money would mean.

But it’s the right thing to do. Continuing this has disaster written all over it. For me. And surely for any kid I’d bring into this fucked up situation.

Because I’m pretty sure that over the past six weeks, I’ve fallen in love with Regan Lucas.

I lower my head to the desk, banging my forehead over and over on the unforgiving mahogany. Of course I’ve fallen in lovewith her. I’m Lucas Montana. It’s what I do—fall in love with women and then leave them high and dry.

It’s why I refuse to do it to Regan. Not her.

She’ll get over it quickly. Much more easily than I will. She’ll move on and go back to her original plan, never having known my true feelings. She’ll just think I did a typicalmething, bailing out of something at the last minute. Maybe she’ll even hate me. And maybe it’s what I deserve.

I grab my keys off the corner of my desk and head down the hall.

I pass Allie in reception. It looks like she’s just getting done with a tour. “Leaving early on a Monday?” she says. “Kind of unlike you.”

“Just running an errand. I’ll be back later.”

My younger sister waves and dances happily back to her office.

On my drive, I think about Allie. She’s been in a long-distance, friends-with-benefits relationship dating back to last Christmas when she met Dallas’s girlfriend’s older brother. Hermucholder brother. Although Asher lives thousands of miles away in Florida, he travels a lot for business and they get together every time he’s in the city. No planning. No strings. Just a fun, no expectations liaison.

I’m jealous of what they have. Why can’t I, for once in my miserable life, not fall hard and fast for the girl?

I could have just texted Regan back, but this conversation calls for more than a ‘see you around’ blow-off text. Even if I can’t tell her my real reason for backing out, she deserves an explanation.

On McQuaid Circle, I park in front of Truman’s Grocery. It’s early afternoon on a Monday. I thought most people would be at work, but the street is bustling with people. Kids seem to be everywhere. Then I see the red-white-and-blue banners that stilladorn all the light posts and remember what week it is. July 4thwas just a few days ago. It’s summer vacation for kids, and many people have the week off.

Familiar faces are everywhere. This is a bad idea. I put my car in gear and pull down the street, through the roundabout, and park once again, this time behind Lloyd’s Steakhouse. Then I walk down the alley, hoping none of the other business owners pick this moment to take out their trash.

Me: I’m at your back door.

It takes far longer than I expect for her to let me in. And once she does, I realize why. Her shop is dark, as if she never opened up for the day. Damn, she must be really torn up. And I’m about to drop even more bad news on her.

“Hey,” she says and turns. “Come on up.”

Once upstairs, I see her cat and try to lighten the mood. “Howyoudoin’?” I say to the furball.

My joke falls completely flat as I follow Regan into the kitchen. She takes a seat and motions to the table. Upon inspection, there must be a dozen pregnancy tests laid out in front of her. I step closer, my eyes darting from one to the next, until my brain catches up with what my eyes are seeing.

I look up and Regan is smiling from ear-to-ear, her dimples as clear as I’ve ever seen them. “We’re pregnant!” She covers her mouth and tears come to her eyes. “Oh my gosh, that’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. This is real. It’s actually happening. Can you believe we did it the first month? I’m still wrapping my head around it.”

I pull out a chair and fall heavily onto it. She rambles on and on, but only one thing is registering. The woman I’m in love with is pregnant. And I absolutelycannottell her. My plan—my entire plan to walk away and try to forget about her, to move on with my life and let her move on with hers—it’s all just gone upin flames. Because I’m tied to her for the next eighteen years. Longer even.

Fuck my life.

I have a feeling I’m going to be living in my own personal hell for…ever.

“Lucas?... Lucas, are you okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah. Wow. This is incredible. I told you my swimmers were good.”

She laughs. “I guess so.”

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