Inhaling a deep breath of air, I pushed my chest out bravely and crossed the bar.Idiot. You fucking idiot, why did you come here?But it was too late to berate myself over it. I swallowed and walked up to the bar.
“Tristan,” he said as a greeting.
I nodded.
“What can I get you?” he asked.
I glanced at the row of taps. “Stonewall IPA,” I said. I could use a bit of Stonewall courage right about now. I sat on a barstool and braced myself for the conversation that I had been having in my head for days.
Cedric foamed up my beer significantly, cursing in a language I didn’t understand before grabbing a spoon andtaking off the thick layer of foam with it. He poured some more until it was satisfactory in his view and handed me my beer. Without missing a beat, he picked up the glass and cloth he had been polishing and turned away from me.
“I’d also like to talk,” I said.
“Oh?” He was so cool and stiff, and it would have been just fair if I let him be then and there. I had only met this guy once, but it had been too magical and too wonderful to erase from my memory. Besides, the night we worked in Mama Viv’s kitchen together hadn’t been terrible, either.
I wrapped my hand around the glass and took a sip of beer. It was refreshingly cold and only a little bitter. Exhaling, I closed my eyes for a moment, then looked right at him.Damn. You’re too beautiful for my own good. His gaze was both frosty and melting if such a thing was possible. “Cedric, it’s not fair to leave me hanging like this.”
He clenched his teeth, a muscle in his face tightening. When he relaxed it, he looked at me with total attention. “I tried to apologize, Tristan.”
I shrugged. “Maybe it’s too late for that,” I admitted. “But that’s not at all what I want. Something’s wrong here, and I want to get to the bottom of this.”
Cedric eyed me for a long time. I watched as his reluctance turned to curiosity, and he finally yielded. “You’re really annoying. Do you know that?”
“I’ve been told,” I said, still holding the big breath of air in my lungs. I didn’t want to celebrate before we found some common ground.
If the corners of his lips twitched a little as if to smile, I couldn’t be sure of it. He set the polished glass down. “Whydo you insist something is wrong? I might just be lying low until my family cooled down.”
“If this is your idea of lying low while staying at the most expensive hotel in the neighborhood, then we don’t understand each other at all,” I said in a straight, no-nonsense tone. “Who is your family, Cedric?”
He snorted. “You don’t know them.”
“That’s not why I’m asking,” I said.
Cedric narrowed his eyes as if to acknowledge I scored this point. But when he inhaled, there was something like cooling his anxiety in that move. I knew the gestures, the little cues, the forced calm when things bubbled too violently below the surface. “Tristan, if I tell you everything…” He shook his head. “There’s no point in it.”
“How about you let me decide?” I suggested calmly. “Because we’re not total strangers, Cedric. Maybe I did something to spook you. Maybe I was too forward and too eager. I’m like that when I like someone. But even so, even if we can’t start over, I don’t want to pretend that I don’t know you at all. And you can’t lie to me forever. I know when someone needs help.”
His reply was a clear attempt to deflect. “How so? How do you do that?”
“Experience,” I said shortly. “Tell me.”
Cedric rolled his eyes when his deflection failed. Then, he closed his eyes and stood like that for what felt like ages. “Fine. I’ll tell you.” It was a sigh full of surrender. It was like he would soon reveal to me that he was a wanted criminal and his fate was in my hands. Was I sure I wanted that kind of responsibility? I didn’t have the time to decide for myself anymore. Cedric spoke. “I didn’t lie when I told you myfamily was powerful. And I didn’t lie when I said they wanted me to do something against my wishes.”
I nodded and listened intently, never breaking eye contact with him even if Cedric kept looking at his hands, his feet, the bar around us, and anywhere except my eyes.
“But you are correct, Tristan. I am not who I say I am.” The softness around his words and the French edge in places grew slightly stronger. “You could say it’s a family business, but that doesn’t precisely do it justice. We’re nowhere near as productive in today’s society as real businesses are. If anything, we’re sort of big in the entertainment industry.”
Something was creeping up my spine as Cedric struggled to get the words out. He was dancing around something, and I couldn’t seem to find a way to lift the veil off the truth. “What do you do?”
That seemed to amuse him. “Not much, to be honest.”
“Cedric, what does your family do?” I asked again, firmer. Worry that settled in the pit of my stomach was disproportionately large.
“And you are absolutely right, Tristan. I’m in trouble. They’re not the sort of people that would treat my escape lightly. God, they probably have someone watching my every step. That’s why, Tristan. That’s why I can’t walk around New York City, hold your hand, and kiss you whenever I wish. I can’t let us go there because something else is waiting for me. I don’t know if they’re moving to force me there even as we speak.” He shot a panicked look at the door. “They’ll never let me have this, Tristan.”
“I can help,” I said, tension rising in me, my back straightening just the same. “I have friends who can helpyou. We can find a safe place for you where nobody will be able to find you.”
Cedric snorted as if that was laughable. “You could lock me up in a cellar, but that’s not the life I’d choose over them finding me. No, Tristan. You can’t help me because I know how this thing is going to play out. They’ll sit and let me blow off some steam, then they’ll sweep in and take me back.”