Page 60 of Back to Willow

Rationally, I know I’m not in danger. There are a few cameras in the parking lot, and he’s my professor. He has looked out for Dylan, too. I am ninety per cent sure he wouldn’t hurt me, but…ever since that night, there will always be a part of me that is permanently alert. The constant flight or fight mode is exhausting, but there’s no turning it off. Not anymore.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

When my heart rate finally slows down and I will myself to open my eyes, Professor Adell is looking at me with a deep frown and concern shadowing his face.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I—” Professor Adell stutters.

“It’s fine,” I cut him off with a weak smile. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

He bends down and picks up my bag, giving it to me right away.

“Are you alright?” Professor Adell’s voice brings me back to the real world.

“Yes, um, just a little tired. Today was a full day.” I smile at him. “But um, did you need something from me?”

“I—” He stutters again. “You looked tired during work. I wanted to check in on you, to see if you needed something.”

“That’s kind of you, Professor A—” His sudden glare has me hesitating, and I correct myself. “Arthur.Thank you, but you didn’t have to wait for me. It’s already late.”

“It’s fine. How’s school? Besides my subject, of course.” He scratches the back of his neck. “With Dylan and work, I bet it can be overwhelming sometimes. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright, and if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

What? Why?

Is it still the guilt? I don’t get it...

“Pro—Arthur, just because you weren’t nice in the beginning, doesn’t mean you should feel obliged to be nice all the time. I can manage on my own.”

“That’s no—” He stops himself and takes a deep breath. “That’s not why I am checking in on you. I just...” He trails off, not finishing what he was about to say.

“You what?” I press, confused.

“I just worry.” He blurts out, stunning me.

He worries. He…worries?

My mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish.

“It’s just…” he continues after another deep breath. “Look, I feel like you need a friend,” he states, shocking me even more. “Hell,Ineed a friend, too, and I...I don’t know! You’re the first person I’ve felt comfortable with in years.”

“What?”

“Yep.” He nods, assuring me—or himself? I don’t know anymore. “Friends.”

The déjà vu hits me unannounced. Late at night and alone with him, with the word friends ringing in my ears, it certainly takes me back in time.

“Come on. We’re friends, Lo,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s meant to be.”

Bile rises in my throat as the memory invades my brain. Not again. I don’t need or want male attention. I just…oh god, I can’t do this.I have to find a way to go, to leave.

“You’re my professor.” That’s all I can say. “This isn’t...I’m not…”

“No, no, no!” he defends, fear consuming his expression. “That’s not what I meant, Willow. I meant it in a platonic way. I just…” His humourless laugh stops his words. “Look, I don’t know what I am doing, really. I was completely wrong about you from the beginning and ever since I met Dylan…I feel comfortable, like you’re trustworthy, and I liked getting to know you a little more. That’s all—” Another sigh. “It’s nothing beyond regular friendship, I swear!” He puts his palms up, the universal sign of surrender.

The clarification calms me down a bit.But just slightly.

“I don’t know if we should,” I whisper. “It’s still wrong. It still goes beyond what a student and teacher should be.”

I see his shoulders sag and dejection overcome his features. My mouth opens but before words can come out, he speaks, “It’s fine. I understand, Miss Hanlon. Just let me know if I can help with something, I’d be happy to help out.”

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