Page 61 of Back to Willow

The cold type of stare he used to give me, in the beginning, is back, and it makes me shrink back into myself. Guilt stabs into my skin like those nagging splinters you can’t get rid of. What if he is telling the truth and all he wants is an innocent friendship? It wouldn’t be wrong.

Still, the whiplash from how quickly he changes from nice and warm to cold and detached is real. It confuses the hell out of me, more often than not leaving me lost on how to act around him.

“Y-yes. Thank you.” God, it feels like I am back to my teenage years of stuttering around like a goddamn fool.

“Good.” He nods before continuing, “I’m sorry for taking up your time, you must be exhausted. Go rest. I’ll see you in class, Miss Hanlon.”

With a curt nod, he turns on his heels and disappears into the night, leaving me dumbfounded next to my car.

Oh god, what am I doing?

This man is my professor for goodness’ sake. I shouldn’t be feeding into these walks and talks and whatnot. The fact I enjoy his company and attention only makes it worse, it makes me feel guilty and disgusting.

Unlocking my car, I get in with a trembling hand, immediately locking it once I’m inside. While the statistics claim the country isn’t that dangerous, my brain tells me otherwise. In my experience,everywhereis dangerous for a woman.

I surely, know that.

After ten minutes of driving, I get home and eagerly get in a hot shower, one I wish could wash away the exhaustion, stress, and most of what happened tonight. Arthur seemed full of good intentions, but it doesn’t mean the memories weren’t there, trying to come back in full force to remind me of the constant dangers that exist out there.

I’ve worked so hard to overcome these fears and to make my peace with the past, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. Every time they come back, they hit me like a train. And here, alone in the safety of my shower, I allow myself to let it all out. A few sobs come out but the sound of the water running swallows any noise I make.

I don’t know how long I stay here, but by the time I get a grip on my emotions, my fingers are wrinkled. Getting out, I dry myself and dress in my pyjamas before taking a peek in Dylan’s room.

He’s lying on his stomach on the bed with his arms and legs spread wide, snoring lightly. He’s too cute and too important to me. He’s my anchor. Without thinking twice, I enter the room and pick him up. He stirs a little but sleeps the whole way from his bedroom to mine, on the other end of the corridor.

When we get to my bed, I place him carefully on it and get under the sheets, pulling him to my chest and cuddling with him. He immediately latches himself onto me, like it’s natural. Relief reaches me, and my body relaxes into the mattress. In no time, slumber takes over, and I dive into a deep sense of calmness.

He’s my calm. My calm in the middle of the storm.

TENTY-ONE

Willow

“Iloveyou,”headmits with finality.

Every time he says these three little words, it’s like my body gains new life. My weak heart resurrects, beating faster than ever. My stomach flutters as if I had butterflies trapped inside, frantic for a way out. These three little words are enough to make me light-headed and dizzy, almost like when you’re floating in the calm ocean.

He doesn’t understand the effect he has on me, and neither did I before we kissed for the first time.

We’ve said these three words to each other many times before, but it never felt as loaded as it does now. It giddies me up as much as it hurts me because I don’t think he understands their true meaning. I’m not sure I do either.

This first time we kissed, it was magical. But I was brought back to Earth pretty quickly. For a few weeks now, Liam has been weird and oddly distant. Being the stupid shy girl I am, I’ve let it continue.

Today, though, he is back to normal—almost. His gaze seems more intense, and his words sound certain and calculated, but I don’t understand why. Since he is acting how he did before, he must want me to understand we’re only going to be friends.

Which I understand. He probably regretted it the moment it happened. I mean, why would he be interested in me? Plain old Willow, the shy little girl who can’t even talk without stuttering. There are prettier and hotter girls at school pining after him. He probably understood what he was missing.

With a sigh, I say, “Me, too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I am trying to dismiss those words the best I can. I don’t want him to understand how sad I get every time he says it without meaning it the way I do. Hoping to avoid dragging the awkwardness of the moment even more, I climb off his scooter, giving him the helmet back.

But instead of being able to turn around and walk up to my front door, his hand grabs mine right before he climbs off of it as well. In a swift and assured movement, he takes his helmet off, placing it right next to mine on top of the scooter’s seat.

He pulls me against his chest with force, stealing a gasp out of me.

“We’re having some communication problems it seems, Lo.” He hums my name at the end, tilting my chin up to look at him.

My lashes part, giving me the best view ever. His bright blue eyes are darker than normal, and the shine seems stronger than usual. It sears through me, straight into the deepest parts of my soul, warming it.

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