Page 71 of Merry Little Midlife Matchmaker

I did as she asked and scurried away from her penetrating gaze. The living room was full of chatter and laughter. The kids had disappeared into the den just around the corner, and I couldhear the excited noises of the kids sharing what presents they’d opened this morning when they woke up. I passed around the platter of tiny samosas and mini quiches, greeting everyone and wishing them a happy holiday, and finally set the plate down on the coffee table and took a seat next to my dad.

Sean was seated across the room from me, and I couldn’t resist the pull of his gaze. His blue-green eyes seared into me across the space, and I did my best not to squirm where I sat. Even with what little time we’d spent together as an intimate couple, I could tell by the spark in his eyes and the tiny curl at the corner of his lips that he was thinking about things that had no business at a family holiday event.

And it was thrilling.

Here, in this house where I’d always just been little Lizzie, surrounded by people who saw me as a glorified babysitter and failed wife, there was one man who saw me as a woman. He saw me as someone interesting, captivating. He made me feel more beautiful and more precious than I’d ever felt before, and he did it with little more than a look.

Then my brother dropped into the seat beside him, and my dad nudged me with his shoulder, and I smiled at him as he curled his arm around my shoulders.

“How’s my favorite daughter today?”

“I’m good, Dad,” I replied, and was surprised to find I was telling the truth.

His arm tightened. “Not too sad about missing the day with the kids?”

I knew he was trying to connect with me. Knew he’d seen how in years past, I missed my kids like crazy on days like these. Usually, a comment like that would make me feel understood. Today, it made me feel like there was space between us that couldn’t quite be bridged. It was always Lizzie, mom of Hazel and Zach. It was never Lizzie, a person in her own right.

And, yes, fine, I wanted my kids around me at Christmas. And I’d be happier if I got every holiday, every birthday, every weekend, and every event.

But as the days passed and my family’s comments stacked up on top of each other, I realized that I also wanted to be seen for being me. A person with hobbies and a career and a life beyond just her kids.

I wanted what Sean gave me: a view of myself like I used to be before I sacrificed everything I was for the sake of my children.

I wanted to be Lizzieanda mother. Both—not one or the other.

“I don’t feel sad right now,” I finally replied, and smiled at him.

“Good,” he replied with a nod. My mom appeared at the edge of the living room with fresh drinks, and she beckoned me back into the kitchen to get back to work. I followed her and busied myself with the thousand and one tasks required to pull off a big meal, trying not to dwell on the shift in my identity that seemed to be happening within me with every minute that passed.

An hour later, when dinner was in good shape and everyone had fresh drinks, I realized I was desperate for the bathroom. I ducked to the downstairs powder room, which was past the den, tucked through the laundry room around the corner from the stairs. The sound of conversation was muffled at the back of the house, and I let out a deep breath as I tried the doorknob.

Locked.

Sighing, I leaned against the doorjamb leading out of the laundry room and stretched my neck from side to side. I wondered what my kids were up to, and how Sean was enjoying himself. I wondered just how long we’d have to dance around each other before we’d tell people we were seeing each other.

If he decided he wanted to take that leap with me.

My heart jumped at the thought. An illicit little affair had been thrilling, and he’d made me feel like I was worth so much more than I’d previously allowed myself to think, but to actually date each other, in the open…

That would mean he really wanted me. It would mean this wasn’t just about sex. It wasn’t just the excitement of doing something naughty, something that felt a little bit dangerous and wrong.

Once the holidays were over, I’d know if Sean really wanted me for me. If all those pretty words had meant something, and if these feelings mushrooming inside me were real.

Then the powder room door opened, and I lifted my gaze. Sean appeared in the doorway as I straightened, our eyes clashing across the laundry room.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.”

I felt like a trapped, trembling little rabbit caught in a snare. My eyes darted down the hallway then back to the laundry room, and I found Sean prowling toward me. He stood on the other side of the doorway, eyes roaming over my face as a soft smile graced his lips.

“You look beautiful, Lizzie.”

“You’ve got to stop saying things like that to me,” I said, glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone was in the hallway behind me.

“I won’t.”

I gave him a flat look. “We shouldn’t even be talking to each other.”

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