Page 32 of Tastes of Him

The words seemed to fall like an anvil, and I knew things had irrevocably changed. It was a change that needed to happen, but hurting someone was never a thing I liked to do. The rest of our meal was eaten in silence, and when I asked Kevin if he wanted more, he declined. As I was walking him out, he turned to me.

“If it doesn’t work out with him—not that I hope it doesn’t,” he added quickly. “But if it doesn’t, give me a call, okay? I need some time to maybe branch out beyond our group, but you’re an amazing guy, and I would never forgive myself if I didn’t throw my hat in the ring.”

I nodded about him needing to branch out but knew I wouldn’t be reaching out until I was sure he had no romantic feelings for me. It would probably do him some good to find his own community here, independent from me. I opened the door for him. “I understand. If you ever need anything, though, I mean really need something, you know you can give me a call. I’m still your friend.”

Kevin’s smile was small, and when he reached out to hug me, I didn’t pull away. I patted him on the back before stepping away. Motion over his shoulder drew my gaze, and I smiled wide when I realized Sean was pulling into the driveway. Kevin looked over his shoulder.

“Right. Well, I better go so you two can have some alone time.” He slowly walked down the stairs, nodding at Sean when they passed one another. I returned his wave as he pulled out before I mentally closed the book on that chapter of things and turned all my attention to Sean. He was looking at me with a strange expression but came inside when I held the door open for him.

“What was he doing here?”

The question wasn’t unexpected, but the hardness of his voice was. I closed the door slowly. “He came by to bring me a housewarming gift, and we had some dinner.” I paused at the tension that seemed to slowly build. “Are you hungry? I could make you something.”

“You already ate.”

I shrugged. “I could eat more.”

“Never mind. I’m going to go.”

Wait, no!

I reached out to stop him but was surprised when he yanked his arm out of my reach. “Don’t leave. You just got here.”

He was breathing hard, and I was alarmed to see the distress on his face.Seriously, we have to talk. Things can’t keep going like this.

“Sean, we need to—”

“If you say we need to talk, so help me, God…”

I put my hands up. “I know it’s a shit phrase, but we do need to talk. You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“How would you know?” he hissed before turning to walk into the living room. Not following never even crossed my mind as I shadowed him. I almost ran into the back of him when he stopped and turned again. “You were gone for four years. Who’s to say I haven’t changed?”

I frowned. “Well, of course, you changed, but you’re still you.” Alarm ran through me when I reached out, but he moved further away. “Seriously, baby, tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on. Why do you keep asking me that?”

“Because I can tell you aren’t happy,” I replied bluntly, slowly losing my cool. “You’ve never been afraid to talkatme. Now it’s time for you to start talkingtome.”

I could see that my words hit the mark by Sean’s scowl. I tried not to stare at his lips, distracting as they always were. That was how we had gotten to this point to begin with. Whenever I wanted to get serious, he would turn tail and run the other way, either literally or by throwing my plans to the wind and falling between the sheets. I was determined this time. This thing between us had to work. Thinking of the alternative was too fucking painful.

Sean’s body thrummed, almost seeming to vibrate where he stood, and I wondered if this was it. Would this be the time that we couldn’t come back from? The moment stretched, and I could hear the tick of my watch as one hand made its way around, marking the passage of time. I was about to give up and let the moment pass as I had so many others, but before I could, Sean’s body relaxed as if the strings holding him up were suddenly cut. He sank down on the couch and looked down at his hands.

“I’m fucking this up.” His voice was softer than I could handle, and I walked over to sit down beside him. I wanted to reach out to cover my hand with his, but I held back. I was still confused about what was going on and even a little angry, and I knew I had to make my point known before I could offer comfort.

“You’re not fucking this up, but I think you are making this harder than it has to be,” I replied, pitching my voice low. “I don’t know what I did—”

“Nothing,” Sean said, cutting me off. He looked up at me then, brown eyes somber and steady. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why are you so damn upset?” I asked, wanting to understand what happened. How had we gone from having such a great time to fighting? I wanted to experience the world with him and bring him into mine permanently.

But does he really want to explore it with you?

The thought was an unwelcome one even as I wondered if it had merit. I had never been shy about my feelings for Sean, but maybe that was the problem.

“You don’t have to…” I trailed off, heart thumping at the thought of putting this possibility out into the universe. It was a sharp, selfish desire to not put the thought into words. I clung desperately to the idea that Sean was mine and mine alone, but if he didn’t truly want that, could I bear to let him go?

“I don’t have to what?”

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