Page 37 of Coincidentally Kismet

“Well...I guess, I don’t. But he knows...he knows how much this has always been a struggle for me. The fact that he’s not being reassuring tells me everything I need to know,” I say with a shrug.

“Cameron. Jane. Wright. That boy couldn’t keep his tongue from lolling out of his mouth for half the race and it wasn’t from being out of shape. You are gorgeous. Inside and out, although this conversation is making me question the inside of you a little bit. When you walk into a room, men practically drop whatever they’re doing and stare, you’re just too dense to notice it. Furthermore, you haven’t given him any reason to be nice to you, and yet he still dotes on you all the time, like when he savedyou from the bowling ball or switched out your stool at trivia so you didn’t fall. You are cold or callous toward him most of the time, and I know you think it’s witty banter, but to me it just looks like a mixture of hurt feelings and jealous rage.”

Lo shrugs and puts her hands up in the universal symbol of surrender. “There I said it, he needs someone strong and confident, capable of handling the shit they go through in the service and supporting him afterward. Propping up your ego isn’t something he’s going to want to do, and if you want a chance with him again, you need to get over yourself and quickly. He isn’t going to wait around in the friend zone forever. You need to make a choice—and don’t even think about saying you don’t want him back. As for the text messages, did you ever think maybe he is just looking for a reason to talk to you?”

Lo stomps out of my room without giving me a chance to respond. She’s never been mad at me over anything, not like this anyway. Maybe there’s something to what she’s saying. I’ve been actively practicing my self-demoralization skills a little more than usual lately. Since I saw Elliott, actually. Why am I doing this? How long is Lo going to be mad and throw this tantrum? More importantly, if she is right about Will, do I even care if he moves on from me?

I love Will, but I don’t know if I’m in love with him. Yes, there is a difference. You can love a lot of people and impact their lives with that love. But being in love is a whole different ball game; it’s more than just showing up, demonstrating kindness, and sharing memories. Falling in love is a joining of two souls, an experience after which you no longer have to carry the burdens of life alone. In many ways, it’s not a choice in the beginning, hence the falling part. It’s an all-encompassing need to be connected with that specific person, like our need for water or breathing. After time, it becomes a choice. The choice to keep going, to fight through the strange, murky waters thatlife continually plunges us into. Will and I have so much history that it’s easy to confuse whether that love is the deep-friendship kind of love or the over-the-moon kind of love. I know I made mistakes when he was leaving for the military. Is this just my inner self trying to right those wrongs, or is it possible to fall twice? What would being with Will for real even look like now?

I know nothing about his job, other than he works on base and is a soldier. Truthfully, I don’t really know a lot about him as a grown-up. Our texts have been entirely surface level, mostly gossiping about Lo and Smith, or him talking about how it is to live with Amy. I have a budding career, sort of. How long is he even going to be in Tampa? Don’t they move around a lot in the military?

There is far too much pressure coming from our friends right now. Will and I should probably talk, but I don’t really want to. I need to figure out my own crap first, starting with apologizing to Lo and trying to tame my inner voice. Body confidence issues are such a bitch.

CHAPTER 18

CAM

“WHETHER YOU LOVE ME OR NOT” - MEGHAN PATRICK

WEDNESDAY 7:45 AM

Will

How bad would it be if I intentionally hid Amy’s straightener this morning? I accidentally grabbed it to put it away after she left. Spoiler alert: it was plugged in and I burned the shit out of my fingers.

Cam

She might kill you in your sleep, Rambo. . . I would.

Will

I may never have identifiable fingerprints again...it feels like justice to me. You would miss me if she killed me.

Cam

In your dreams, Rambo.

THURSDAY 6:56 PM

Will

I just had the best taco I’ve ever eaten in my life. What are you having for dinner?

Cam

I don’t think it can be the best in your life when you say that about literally any taco you’ve ever met. I had chicken and broccoli

Will

How was your day? Still getting the silent treatment from Lo?

Cam

Yep! She glared at me from across the room for a minute and then got distracted by Smith...surprise, surprise.

Will

I’m sorry, that sucks. Want to watch a movie tonight? We can time it so it starts at exactly the same time.

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