Page 36 of Coincidentally Kismet

“Hey, can you text my boy and tell him to cover for me? I’m gonna be five minutes late to PT, and I forgot my charger,” Smith asks, pulling me from my inner bitch session.

“Uh, yeah...You know we have chargers, right?” I deadpan, shooting off a text to Will.

Cam

Lover boy is running late because apparently he forgot this is the 21st century and we have our very own phone chargers.

Will

Thanks! Good morning, by the way. How was your run this morning?

I leave him on read. At this point, it’s becoming a little too obvious that he’s invested in my workout plan for ulterior motives.

“Your girl’s distracting...What can I say?” Smith quips, smirking and pulling me away from overanalyzing Will’s response. “So when are you gonna give Davenport a chance tobreak outta the friend zone?” He looks at me with a nosy yet innocent sheen in his eyes.

“Last time I checked, he didn’t want out of the friend zone,” I respond with every ounce of annoyance I feel. What happens with Will and me is none of his business.

“Yeah,okay. My boy might be too stubborn to tell you, but he’s been pining away for you for as long as I’ve known him.” Smith rolls his eyes.

“Is that so? Well, if that’s true, why doesn’t he tell me that or make a move?” I ask defiantly.

“Cam, look, I have to run since I’m already late, but you’re gonna have to trust me. My boy loves you, like big-time love, and he thinks he knows what’s best for you, all that ‘keeping you from hurt and harm’ bullshit, but the love is the same. If you have any feelings for him at all, it’s gotta be you who makes the moves because he’s too stubborn,” Smith rattles out as he’s headed for the door. And then he just leaves.

Shit! What am I supposed to do with that?Smith is a meddler. He means well, but he doesn’t understand all we’ve been through. He doesn’t grasp that Will had his chance and blew it. But he also doesn’t know that if Will made a move now, my willpower has waned and I’d likely give in. Even though I don’t fully trust him, Will’s been funny, sweet, and easy to be around.

“What was that about?” Lo asks, looking sheepish.

“Oh, you know, just your boy toy trying to get me in Will’s pants, so he’ll have more surfaces to bang you on around here,” I say sort of joking, sort of not.

Lo blushes and huffs out a puff of air. “While I can admit that he probably is a little selfishly motivated, he does know Will better than anyone—well, next to you, that is—and there might be something to what he’s saying, Cam.”

“I don’t think so...Will has never held back when it comes to getting what he wants. He loves the chase, the adrenaline of working hard for something and achieving it. If he wanted me, and that’s a bigif, he would make a move. He wants to be friends; he doesn’t want someone who can’t even lose weight when she tries,” I say. I’m being way too vulnerable for this early in the morning, but if I can’t open up to Lo, then who can I talk to.

“Why do you do that?” she asks.

“Do what?”

“Oh...I don’t know, act like you’re some horrible, ugly, giant ogre that no one could ever possibly want? What happened to being body positive and a badass feminist and all that other empowering shit?”

“I don’t do that. I know what I am, Lo. I’m realistic. Honestly, you, Will, and Smith have to stop!” This might be the first time I’ve ever yelled at her, but in my defense, this conversation is becoming insulting.

This morning has been exhausting. First, there was Will being way too overinvested in my workouts, then Smith saying it’s on me to make a move, and now Lo. I don’t get it. I’m not trying to beat myself up, and I know I have some good qualities, but a life’s worth of comments and directions have given me evidence enough to understand what I am. I’m not perfect. My parents always made me wait to see if my stomach felt full enough before getting seconds. I wasn’t enough for Will to want to stay with—and believe me, if I looked like Camille Kostek, he would have.

Patricia and Dale Wright don’t sugarcoat things. They always told Elliott and me that we were replaceable. Not replaceable as their children, but in the sense of our society as a whole: You must work hard, be the best, and even then, there will always be someone better than you. It’s a good lesson actually, andone that’s helped me along the way in school, work, and in my personal life. It’s similar to what Daveed says about being the best you can in the middle: You have to give everything one hundred percent but also be realistic enough to know that even that might not be enough.

“Okayyy, so I know what I’ve said, and I heard what Smith said this morning, but what did Will do exactly?” Lo asks. I can feel the tension and disdain rolling off of her.

“Ugh...can we not? I need to get ready for work,” I say dismissively.

“You can get ready while you tell me,” she demands.

“Fine. I spilled the beans about my new fitness lady lifestyle, and now he keeps sending me workout ideas and asking about my morning runs. It’s pretty obvious that he thinks I need to lose weight. Why else would he care this much?”

“Are you crazy?” She looks horrified.

“I mean, maybe. But it’s just so obvious. If he didn’t think that, why wouldn’t he say something like, you’re perfect the way you are?”

“Tell me, Cameron, when was the last time you went around telling yourfriendsthat they were perfect out of the blue?”

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