Page 28 of Cop-Off

“Last night.” She blew out a long breath, her gaze drifting down toward her lap. “Why didn’t you ask me any questions about what happened?”

Cody was quick to reply, his tone just as gentle as his caress. “The last thing you needed was me asking you questions, sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have them.”

“Ask me.” Her voice was so quiet she had to chance a glance to check he’d heard her. He had.

“Okay.” He nodded. “I’m gonna assume that wasn’t your first panic attack and ask if you have them often? I’d also like to know if there was something in particular that triggered it?”

Clear. Concise. A fellow information gatherer.

Wriggling in his lap, she began fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. Her eyes were averted still. She needed to concentrate.

“I started getting them three years ago. I’ve never been woken up by one though. That was a fun first. And yes, I know what triggers them.” She swallowed down the bile that had risen and put on her big girl pants. “It’s my dad.”

She went quiet for a moment. And he let her. He gave her what she needed. Time. Reassuring her with the continuing gentle rhythm of strokes up and down her spine.

Finally, she spoke again. “He’s the reason I moved back home when I did. It’s because he got sick.Issick.”

“Sweetheart.” Concern clouded his eyes.

“Dementia.” She felt her chest tug but soldiered on. “My mum was struggling so I moved back to help. But it’s not the kind of thing that just magically gets better, you know? Six months ago, he had to be put in a home. And three months ago, he stopped recognising me altogether.”

Her voice had gotten too shaky to continue. She needed a break. Cody gave it to her in the form of a bear hug. Wrapping her into a ball of comfort, he rocked them both and planted kisses in her hair. Neither of them said anything. They simply rocked.

When she felt strong enough to carry on, she pulled back. This time, she looked into those pools of honey. “Coming here, it was more than me just wanting to try and reclaim my old life. It was an escape.”

“A temporary one?” She appreciated that he didn’t try to hide his apprehension.

“No, I don’t think so. The plan is to stick around, if that’s what you’re asking.”

The relief she saw in his eyes made her pulse race, but his words were what wrapped around her heart and squeezed. “It’s exactly what I’m asking, sweetheart. I told you, I’m all in. Maybe that makes me crazy, after all it was only two weeks ago that we were just about ready to kill each other, but I don’t care. WhatI’m feeling is real and I want to be able to take things further, knowing there’s a chance of a future for us.”

“I want that, too,” she whispered.

And she did. She really, really did.

Just don’t fuck it up!

Famous last words.

CHAPTER TEN

Cody and Zach had been sitting in silence for a good ten minutes. He’d stopped by after work, knowing they needed to talk. He couldn’t avoid his best friend forever.

Libby had made herself scarce the moment Cody arrived and they’d both taken their beers out onto the back patio. But their conversation had hit a stumbling block straight away, as soon as Zach had asked the question he’d been dreading: “Are you sure you’re ready?”

It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready. He knew he was. But that didn’t change the guilt that accompanied what went with that.

By the time he was ready to speak, he had a full beer in him. “I’ll always love Ellie, you know that. She was the first woman I ever loved, the mother of my kid. But the passion...it was never there, y’know? I think maybe it was because we got together so young or something. We went from high school to college to marriage. And then Dylan came along, and then...then she got sick. And I went from husband to caretaker.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question, man,” Zach correctly stated.

“I know. I’m trying. It’s not easy for me to say this.” Cody sucked in some more air and puffed it out. “Ellie...Ellie was the only woman I’d ever been with...until Cat.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the beer bottle he was now clutching in both hands, but he could feel his friend’s head shake beside him.

“You think I don’t know that, dude? We grew up together, for God’s sake. Why in the hell do you think I’m asking if you’re okay, if you’re ready?”

Relief bloomed in his chest. It was one thing for his friend to think it but quite another for Cody to confirm it. They’d neverhad a conversation like this out loud. If anything, he’d been embarrassed. How many thirty-four-year-old men had had a grand total of one sexual partner? He was guessing not many.

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