Page 42 of Whispers in the Dark

“I have not had enough coffee for this mess,” I said to the dog in the back seat. All of a sudden, Lug Nut went on alert, beginning to wag his butt and whine. I knew why.

“Do you see grandpa? Do you see him?”

The butt wagging became more enthusiastic, and I spotted my father standing patiently outside the door for baggage claim.Lug Nut began to bark, pressing his nose against the window and making my dad smile.

After throwing on the hazard lights, I hit the button to pop the back and got out of the car, arms extended for a hug.

“There she is! Hi, Honey.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and I breathed in the familiar smells of soap and gum. This was home.Hewas home to me.

“Hi, Daddy. I’m so glad you’re here.” And I truly was. He had always been my rock in the storm, so perhaps he’d be the same for me once more during his stay.

After stowing his single bag in the back, he got in the car, rubbing Lug Nut on the head and talking sweetly to him while I pulled away from the curb. It was no easy feat getting ninety pounds of muscle to settle down and reseat himself.

We made it home and my father didn’t take much time to unpack. Before I had really had time to top off the dog’s water bowl, he was in the kitchen with me, rummaging through my cabinets for a coffee mug.

“The shit they served on the plane was bitter this morning. I could barely drink it,” he said, locating my stash of coffee pods and sorting through the variety of flavors. I had stocked up on his favorite, knowing he would want some upon arrival. My father was also a male who was predictable. I would not allow myself to think of the other one.

“The house looks nice. Festive. I’m glad you decided to celebrate the holidays this year, Honey. And I’m glad I get to spend it with you.” His mug now full of dark, fragrant liquid, he took a long sip, not bothering to wait for it to cool off even the slightest bit.

“I’ve been looking forward to this time together for weeks,” I told him. “And someone else is happy you are here, too.” The big, smiling meatball appeared at my dad’s side, his tail thump-thump-thumping against the barstool leg. After an appropriateamount of ear scratches, the dog settled for his mid-morning nap and Dad and I got down to the business of planning our day. I was so freaking happy that he was here and that I was together with family. The void I felt every day over Blair’s death would never go away, but as each month ended, it got smaller. Perhaps one day, I would be able to think about her and the emptiness would be a fleeting thought instead of a focus. I made a mental note to make that my New Year’s resolution.

29.Adrian

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA

I’d stayed in Asia as long as I possibly could before finally flying back to the States. I hadn’t wanted to return before or on Christmas as the sights and sounds of the holiday season only reinforced what a fucking idiot I had become. For so damn long, I’d kept things completely impersonal, and anonymous, but ended up fucking up the second I let my guard down for the very first time.

After staying mostly in Osaka, I’d headed to Bangkok and Hanoi before finally landing back in San Francisco on New Year’s Eve. I’d been right to stay gone as long as I had because Christmas was all but a distant memory for everyone mulling about. Excitement over the upcoming year was in full swing, and all the horridly festive red and green decorations were replaced by those in black and gold.

Tomorrow would be the start of a new year, but unlike those looking forward to it, I could only dread it instead. I had neither a resolution to break, nor any hope that my fortunes would change because I had a big decision to make. It’d been one that I’d thought about, yet had been procrastinating about since realizing that Brynn could no longer work right beside me.

“I can’t do it,” I muttered to myself as I stared at my penthouse.

Thankfully, the place had been cleaned up after I’d destroyed it before leaving. It was easy enough to blame it on Brynn because she had encouraged and inspired me to decorate, then later betrayed me, but the truth was that I had betrayed myself. I’d tried to live a life that I neither wanted, nor deserved, and this empty space was what I once more had to show for it.

The solitude fit me well, and had been like a security blanket for me over all of my adult life. When alone, I had far fewer opportunities to give in to my rage and hurt someone. Although, some had still suffered my wrath nonetheless. None so more than my sister and Brynn’s sister.

Blair! Aria!

Their names were like bitter candy on my tongue to say, but so much worse to even think them aloud. I could wire my goddamned mouth shut, but still hear myself speaking their names as my voice echoed in my head, along with their screams. The broken sobs... The anguished cries... They seemed like the same thing, only worse.

Refusing to think about them any more right now, I swiftly rose to my feet. As I did, my cell phone fell to the floor and partially underneath my couch. I bent down to retrieve it, then heard something move. Bending down farther, I reached past my cell phone and found the culprit.

As I pulled my hand out with the small, red ornament, I could only say one thing. “Fucking hell!”

I supposed even the most efficient of staff could miss things once in a while. As I stood there with the small bulb in my hand, I flicked it and watched the colored sphere spin and glisten much like a New Year’s Eve ball would later this evening at the various parties across the city.

San Francisco didn’t have an actual ball drop like New York City or Los Angeles did, but there was always a huge fireworks celebration along the waterfront. I normally made myself scarce at that time, because I neither needed the noise nor the reminder that the following year would be something to celebrate. Most people could leave their mistakes in the past year and start anew, but never me. My demons followed me day after day, year after year, and thousands of miles and several continents couldn’t even stop them from haunting me night after miserable night.

I’d been running from my inner demons since I was sixteen years old, and I used to remind myself that one day they would finally catch up to me. And they had. She had. Brynn. Blair. Did it matter who was haunting my thoughts now? The end was always the same, and it never justified the means.

I could distract myself when it came to Brynn, and I had been until returning to this city. Now, I needed to decide whether to fire her outright, or reassign her to another department on a floor far from mine. Then, there was the issue of finding someone capable to take her place. I had so many moving pieces when it came to BT, I did need someone to help keep it all organized and on track. And, she did her job well.

Maybe too well.

I actually saw her as a woman, and not just a means to an end like others at the club. I’d respected Brynn for her mind... humor... proficiency... and maybe I still did. While it would be so much easier to picture her as nothing but a willing body I could slake my need with at Lotus, I’d tried to have more of her, and this current conundrum was what I got for my effort.

She has to go.

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