Page 57 of Benji

“Did you know he has the whole daddy thing going on?”

“No, I did not.” He made a thoughtful face. “I knew he liked twinks, so I can’t say I’m shocked.”

“You seemed surprised.”

“Surprised that Fitch stayed all night.” Nolan smirked at me. “Dominic doesn’t typically do that. He likes his privacy.”

“Well, Fitch is special,” I allowed.

Nolan chuckled. “And what about Ky? You don’t talk of him often.”

“Ky’s great. He’s quieter. He’s a bit older than me and Fitch. He’s twenty-five. Been working the street since he was twenty-one. But he’s like us. No drugs, stays out of trouble. Just wants to live his life, ya know? He likes what he does.”

“Like you and Fitch,” he said. It wasn’t a question. I’d told him before we enjoyed our work. Most people didn’t understand that, and this was the first time Nolan had questioned it.

“Yep. It can be bad out there. It can be dangerous. I don’t dispute that. Some sex workers hate their jobs, hate their lives. They look for escapes in drugs, usually, and end up a statistic.”

“I can see how that could happen,” he said quietly.

“But Fitch, Ky, and me have each other. We have our apartment. We look out for each other.”

“I’m glad.” Nolan gave me a sad smile. “So is it something you think you’ll do forever? What are your plans for the future?”

I almost snorted. “Future?” I shook my head, smiling at the naivety of such a simple question. “That’s subjective, isn’t it?”

His gaze cut to mine, narrowing and serious. “No.”

“I think your definition of future and my reality of what the future holds are two very different things.”

He stared at me for a long moment before he set down his fork. His eyebrows knitted and he spoke in a whisper. “Benji, please don’t say that. Everyone deserves a future. Everyone. Whatever hopes and dreams they have, no matter their circumstances. No life is worth more than another.”

I found myself smiling at him. He was such a sweetheart, truly believing in the greater good. I reached out and slid my hand over his. “I know. I didn’t mean to sound so... bleak. It’s just...” I shrugged. “Sometimes it’s hard to picture a future. Like in six months or two years, sure. I can see myself still being where I’m at. But in ten years from now?” Now I sighed. “No. Well, I hope not, anyway.”

“Where do you want to be in ten years then?”

“Alive. At least.”

Nolan looked as if I’d slapped him. “Benji,” he whispered, shaking his head. Christ, were those tears in his eyes? “Please don’t talk like that.”

I pushed my plate away, my appetite for food now gone. “I don’t know where I could possibly be in ten years from now. It’s all hypothetical anyway, so what does it matter?”

“Because you matter,” he said sharply. “You matter to Fitch and Ky.” He swallowed hard. “And you matter to me.”

His words hit me like a truck.

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to that. My heart was thumping, my mouth suddenly dry.

I mattered to him.

He cared about me.

And for what? What could possibly come from this?

Nothing.

“Nolan,” I whispered.

He laughed, an unhappy sound. “It’s fine. Just please don’t say it doesn’t matter. Because it does. And if you want to think about any hopes or dreams you thought you had to forget, or where you want to be in ten years, then please tell me. And we’ll see what we can do. Some plan of action to put into motion. I don’t know. You have to have something in the back of your mind. Something you always wanted to do. Something that made you sad when you realised you had to abandon it.”

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