Page 2 of Desirous

Once more, I close my eyes to enjoy the sounds of nature around me, but this time it’s also to give Cade the clearest sign that there’s nothing to talk about with me. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, so I assume he came around to remembering that we don’t need to discuss about what’s bothering us like the rest of our family does.

And then he disappoints me by opening his mouth.

“Alex, what the hell is wrong with you? Dude, you’re sitting down here sulking like Wilder, for fuck’s sake.”

That makes me open my eyes, and I turn to give a look that could kill for his mention of the one cousin we both can’t stand. “First you threaten me with the big guns, and now you go low? That’s shitty, man. Wilder? Come on. Really?”

A slow smile lights up Cade’s expression. “I needed something to get your attention, so I figured I’d hit you with that and see how you reacted. At least I know you haven’tcompletely changed your personality and now you actually like that asshole.”

“Nobody likes Wilder, dude. Well, Kane and Abbi do, but even Liam can’t stand his bullshit. The guy is nothing but trauma drama and hassle.”

Cade levels his gaze on my face and gives me the raised eyebrow look like I’m missing something big. “And you’re any less drama sitting down here all by yourself knowing everyone will want to know what’s going on with you? Come on, Alex. You had to know they weren’t going to let you hang out here in peace. This is the March family we’re talking about.”

Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. Drama. Like I want any of them to bother me. Fucking drama would be telling everyone how I feel and then expecting them to feel bad like Wilder does all the time.

“All I wanted was some peace and quiet. I’m here, aren’t I? I didn’t bail on the family get-together, even though all I wanted to do was stay home and be alone. But no, I dragged my ass here, just like they all want, so why can’t I just be left alone to enjoy the water and the sun? Is it too much to ask this family? When the hell have I ever bothered any of them? I live and let live. Do I get all up in anyone’s business when they don’t want to talk? Nope, not me. I just let them be. It’s a damn shame I can’t get the same consideration in return.”

But nothing I say makes Cade walk away, unfortunately.

“So what, now you’re thinking the people in our family suddenly aren’t the nosy bastards they always are, Don Quixote? Where oh where can I find a windmill for you?” he says with a healthy dose of sarcasm in his voice.

“It isn’t quixotic to want a single day when I don’t have to talk to anyone, even though I came to this thing today.”

He laughs at my need to tilt at that windmill. “You know, Mrs. Mapleby would be so impressed with our use of that wordright now. I feel like I’m channeling eighth grade vocab class today.”

The memory of the two of us causing trouble for that poor old lady every day of the school year makes me smile. We used to be a pair of jackasses back then.

“Remember her mumbling under her breath every time one of us said anything? What did she call us?”

Cade grins from ear to ear. “The Trouble Twins. She had no idea what we were capable of.”

“Used to be capable of,” I say in a low voice.

“Is that what this whole moping around shit is about? I know you and I don’t hang out as much as we used to, but we still get together.”

Of course, he misunderstood what I meant. Everyone thinks I’m unhappy because Cade, Cash, and Liam are all with someone they love and I’m still single. As far as I can tell, love isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, so I don’t know why anyone’s wishing it on me.

The truth is I’m more disgusted with myself and what I don’t seem to be able to do anymore. There was a time when I could go out at night and pick up women with no problem. We’d go back to my place, enjoy ourselves, and then part ways, everyone happy and content with the good time we gave one another.

Now I’m some sad mess who can’t stop thinking about one woman, despite the fact that I’ve had ample opportunities to go out and find women since Kat and I slept together.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Cade,” I say as I stare straight ahead at the blue water in front of me. “I don’t begrudge you your happiness with Hailey. I know the rest of you think I do or I have some resentment about everyone finding someone, but that’s not it at all.”

“Then what is it? You seemed happy as a clam that night when you came to see me at Club X. I know you hooked up withthose two women, which can’t be the reason you’re unhappy because come on, a threesome never fails to make you happy. So what the hell is wrong?”

I wish all it would take is a threesome to make me happy again. Hell, I’d do that in a heartbeat if it meant I’d be myself and not this miserable mess I’ve become.

Then again, I probably wouldn’t because neither of the women would be Kat. There goes that great plan.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Cade. You know me better than anyone else in the world, so I need you to see that talking isn’t what I need right now.”

Thankfully, that gets through to him, and he stands up to leave me alone. “I get it. Okay. If and when you want to talk, I’m always around, Alex. For what it’s worth, nobody is trying to get up in your business. It’s just that we aren’t used to seeing you like this.”

“I’ll be fine. I just need to be alone for a little while.”

“Is this about that show?”

Turning my head, I give him a death stare and hope he gets it now. He lifts his hands like he’s surrendering and begins to back away.

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