Page 53 of Second Chance with Seth

“You don’t have to thank me,” she says.

“Yeah, I do. More than you’ll ever know.”

I pull her into my arms again, dipping her slightly as I bend to kiss her. She squeals, then moans, then sighs, and I hold her up, taking her weight, because it seems her legs can’t. When I come up for air, I stand her upright, and give her a moment to gather herself together before I lean in and whisper, “Some things never change.”

“Oh?” she says, still a little breathless.

“Yeah. You still drive me crazy.”

Chapter Eleven

Everly

Seth has been gone for an hour already, but his words are still echoing around my head, even as I clean the countertop and count down the minutes until it’s time to close for the day. And I am counting them, too… because I can’t wait to see him again.

I feel ridiculously giddy and excited… perhaps even more so than the first time we did this, six years ago. I didn’t know what lay ahead then. My knowledge of men was limited, so I just enjoyed every moment, taking it as it came. Now, I know what the future holds. All I have to do is grab it. Seth’s made that very clear. He’s mine, if I want him… and I do. Why wouldn’t I? He still drives me crazy, too.

I couldn’t say that to him, though. I couldn’t take that chance when he offered it… partly because I was breathless after that amazing kiss, but also because I felt so guilty.

He was right. I had shut him out back then. It wasn’t intentional, and I honestly couldn’t explain why I’d done it. Maybe it was the weight of responsibility, which I felt I had to bear. Or it could have been a need to prove myself… to prove I could cope alone. Except I wasn’t alone, was I? I had Seth… until I pushed him away.

I don’t think that excuses the fact that he left, or that he didn’t come back. But I have to acknowledge my role in what happened between us. It wasn’t insignificant.

It’s not just guilt that’s holding me back, though. Like I said to Seth, I’m scared.

Everything is different now, and if he thinks it’s going to be the same, he’s going to be sorely disappointed. He might say he’s aware of all that, but the reality of living with a baby is very different from expectations. I know that better than anyone. Throughout my pregnancy, when I wasn’t missing Seth, and wishing things could have been different, I pictured myself and our baby, living a sunlit life, getting along, just the two of us, in a dreamy haze of love and happiness. In the real world, after River was born, I quickly came to realize that the only thing that matters after you’ve had a baby is sleep. There are no dreams, and in late December, there’s precious little sunlight, either. I counted myself lucky to get to the end of the day without crying… so happiness seemed like a distant illusion. I’m not saying things haven’t improved since then, and that they won’t be better still if Seth is here with us, but it’s nowhere near the same as it was before he left.

And he needs to understand that.

Because if he doesn’t, I’m really, really scared that when reality hits, he’ll decide this is the last place on earth he wants to be.

Of course, there’s only one way to find out whether we can live this life together, and that’s to try it… which could be why I asked him over for dinner.

I wanted to see him again, obviously, but I could have accepted his suggestion of meeting up again tomorrow, if all we wanted was to talk, and get to know each other again. No… it felt important that he should see our lives as they really are, and as they’re going to be if he comes back. And what better way to do that than to spend an evening together? It might not sound like much, but it’s a start. It’ll certainly be an experience – for both of us, I imagine – and I hope that by the end of it, we’ll have abetter understanding of where we are… and where we want to be.

Even if things go perfectly, though, there’s still going to be the problem of Helen.

It would probably help if I hadn’t seen them together yesterday morning, but that’s not Seth’s fault, and I have to keep that in mind. He didn’t ask for her to come out of the hotel, did he?

Did he ask her to flirt with him before? No. But that doesn’t alter the fact that he didn’t stop her. And he should have done. He knows that, just as well as I do, and I suppose, if we’re going to move forward, I need to accept that.

I’m just not sure how. Not yet.

Of course, it would help if she wasn’t here. But she is. I may not see her that often, but even when I do, she never acknowledges me. Why would she? It was Seth she wanted, and I’m just the woman who was in the way.

“If you clean that countertop any harder, we’ll have to get it resurfaced,” Owen says, nudging in to me, and I stop what I’m doing and turn to face him.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You’re obviously distracted… and I’m guessing that has something to do with Seth?”

“Of course.”

He smiles, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Can I assume he hasn’t lost his touch?”

I have to smile myself and I nudge in to him. “Not in the slightest.”

He chuckles. “So, are you back together?”

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