Page 44 of Second Chance with Seth

“Why are you mad at him, though? Is it for leaving? For criticizing you? Or is it because you’re still worried he’s only interested in River, and not you?”

“That would make me the most selfish mother in the world,” I say, feeling uncomfortable at being so exposed.

“No. It would make you human. We all want to be loved, Everly.”

“I thought I was,” I mumble, crying again.

“You were… probably more than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Then why did he leave me?”

“I don’t know. You’d have to ask him that. And before you consign your love to the past, remember when he came back here, he didn’t even know River existed. Which means he came back for you. No-one else. Just you.”

Her words echo around my head, as the computer screen pings, announcing another order, and she steps away, unable to leave Lyla to cope alone any longer. I know I should go back out and help Owen, but I can’t be sure if Seth is still there, and I’m not ready to face him. Not yet.

Besides, I need to think, and I wander over to River’s crib, smiling down at her, and wondering if this is as much my fault as Seth’s.

Okay… so I’m not the one who left, but I could have trusted him, and trusted in our love, and called him when I found out I was pregnant. Even if Seth had his suspicions… even if he should have – and could have – come back to find out for himself, he also had every right to expect me to tell him. We both know that. But I didn’t did I? I stayed quiet and left him in the dark. My fears might still feel rational in a small part of my mind, but did I really have the right to keep his child a secret from him, just because I was scared he’d come back for her, and not me? I had visions of him and Helen Rogers in my head at the time, and felt completely justified in my decision, but was it right to let my insecurities get in the way of allowing Seth to be a father?

I don’t know. But now he’s back, that justification feels less solid. It’s like I’m on shifting sands, and every time I see him, they move in a different direction, pulling me one way, and then another. I need some security… the kind of security he used to give me.

Before he left.

It always comes back to that, and I think we need to talk about why he went before I can feel safe with him again.

The thought of feeling safe, of being held in his arms, and knowing he’ll never hurt me feels so alien, and yet I yearn for it. I yearn for him…

There’s no denying it.

“Are you okay?” I jump at the sound of Owen’s voice, right beside me, and turn to look at him. His eyes give away his concern, although I nod my head to reassure him.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Do you need me to help?” I ask, wiping my eyes with the tissue I’m still holding, even though it’s soaking wet.

“In a minute. I just came back here to tell you Seth’s gone.”

“He’s gone?” Even I can hear the panic in my voice, and I notice the corners of Owen’s lips twitch upward into a slight smile.

“Yeah. He asked me to say he’s sorry. He’s gone back to his hotel room to think things through.”

That initial panic multiplies by about a million times. “I don’t like the sound of that. Is… Is he coming back?”

Owen’s smile fills out. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Have a little faith, will you? He said he’ll be back later, and that I had to tell you he loves you.”

Relief washes through me, and I sigh it out. I might still be a little mad at him, but it feels like we’re navigating a minefield atthe moment, and we need to get through it together. It’s the only way if we’re gonna have a chance… for all our sakes, not just mine and River’s, but Seth’s too.

“We should get back out there,” I say, nodding toward the swing door. “Although I think I might need to clean myself up first.”

“Probably,” he says, nodding his head, and disappears through to the front of the shop. River stirs slightly, but doesn’t wake up, and I take a few moments to dash to the restroom and make myself look vaguely presentable.

“Can I say something?” Owen says, coming over to me.

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