Page 62 of Unlucky You

I was so fucking torn. Saniya meeting Raiden officially meant I was accepting her as someone of importance.

“Ahh, now it all makes sense.”

I turned to find Walt grinning like he was privy to a secret and a scowl settled onto my face. “What makes sense?”

“What’s her name?”

My scowl deepened and he laughed lightly. “There’s only two things that have a man as distracted as you’ve been today. Well three actually, but two of those are one in the same but different issues. Problems finding a woman, problems with the woman you found.” He held up two fingers. “And the third is money. I’m paying you enough to keep you fed and a roof over your head so my guess is your problem is a woman.”

I laughed dryly. “I don’t have the luxury of worrying about a woman.”

“Why? Because you spent a little time on the inside.”

“Isn’t that reason enough?”

He shook his head. “You served your time, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you have the luxury of wanting a woman, Grand. Just has to be the right one. One who understands where you are and where you’ve been.” His expression was serious when it met mine.

“My life has to be about Raidy. He lost his mother because of me and I have to…”

“It will never happen,” he said evenly and my scowl resurfaced but as his eyes bored into mine he continued. “You’ll never love that kid enough to fill the void of what he lost, nor will loving him enough fill the void of whatyoulost. And truthfully, you can’t love him if you don’t love yourself. It’s not your fault. She’s not gone because of you. You didn’t drug her, Grand.”

I didn’t respond and turned a blank stare back across the street, feeling like he could read my thoughts— guilt for wanting something with Saniya and what that would look like to my son, especially when he was old enough to know that his mother being with me was what took her from him.

“If you’re not happy, he won’t be happy, and if you fake it, he’ll know. Kids can see right through our bullshit. The littlefuckers are like human lie detectors.” Walt’s laugh had me turning hard eyes back to him.

“Being a good father is not just about providing for him and loving him. It’s also about loving yourself. If you’re not whole, you can’t show up for your son, Grand. Hasn’t he lost enough already?”

My jaw tightened in anger and Walt clasped me on the shoulder. “Just think about what I’m saying. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He pushed off the back of the van and I followed. While he slammed the doors shut and locked up, I headed to my car, grateful that Tali hit my line. I didn’t have to think about the things Walt put on my spirit, at least not right now.

“What up, family?”

“Ain’t shit, what are you into?” From the hollow sound of his music, I could tell he was in the car.

“Heading to the shop for an appointment. You have plans tonight?”

I frowned, considering that I wanted to pull up on Saniya but hadn’t talked to her to see what she was into. “Nothing confirmed yet, what’s up?”

“You owe me for bailing that night at Hef’s. I have something I’m getting into tonight. I wanted you to pull up.”

“That shit sounds cryptic as fuck, Tali. You’re gonna have to give me more than that.”

“What happened to I got you no matter what?” His tone was laced with amusement because he didn’t have to question my loyalty, ever.

“I need more to determinehowI’m going to show up, not if, fam. Don’t disrespect me.”

“Relax, Grand. I’m only fucking with you. I’m racing tonight.”

Racing?

Shit, I hadn’t thought about that in years. I lined up a few times but I wasn’t as invested as Tali. He lived for the rush.

“You still on that reckless ass shit?”

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