Page 78 of The Vanishing Throne

I watch the raindrops trickle off my fingertips and onto the seal. How can I make him understand? How can I explain to him that Lonnrach took me and I paid for what I did?

Before I realise, my thoughts have changed the landscape again. The hills of the park disappear like a washed canvas and the new place begins to take shape around us. The structure forms into an arched room—

‘No,’ I whisper, backing away so fast that I collide with a mirror. ‘No nono.’

I twist and strike at the mirror with my fists hard enough to bruise. I claw with my fingernails. I can’tthink. I’m breathing so fast that I can’t get in air.

‘Aileana!’

Hands grab me from behind, but I wrench myself away. ‘Don’t! Don’t come near me.’

This isreallygoing to hurt.

‘Aileana.’ Gavin’s calm voice breaks through my panic. He says my name again, crouching beside me. He whispers it over and over, as if reminding me who I am.

I never heard my name in this place. It was never spoken. First I wasFalconer, and then I wasn’t even that any more. I was Nothing. No one.

Then Gavin’s hands are on my arms. I jerk away, but he tries again, so gentle. ‘You’re all right,’ he says, and then I’m letting him put his arms around me. I bury my face in his shoulder so I don’t have to look. My body is shaking. ‘You’re all right.’

It’s not all right. What he did to you, it’s not all right.

‘Just breathe,’ he tells me. ‘Breathe.’

Gavin holds me while I try to control myself, to calm myself down. I keep my eyes squeezed shut. I press my fingertips to the bite-marks on my neck. My pulse is beneath those scars. I concentrate on the rhythm, on the way each beat reminds me:you’realive. You’re not really there. This is an illusion.

Your name is Aileana Kameron and you’re alive.

When I settle down enough, Gavin pulls back slightly. ‘What is this place?’ he asks.

‘The prison. Where Lonnrach kept me in theSìth-bhrùth.’

I don’t need to see Gavin to sense his surprise. I can feel it in his embrace, how still he is. I open my eyes. This time I’m able to look at the place that was once my prison and bury the fear inside of me. The domed ceiling arches so high above us, every inch of space covered in mirrors. The reflection doesn’t show Gavin; it shows me sitting on the floor with my nails digging intoLonnrach’s teeth marks as I try to remember. As Iforcemyself to remember.

I pull away from Gavin to feel for the twin scars on my own arm. The way the skin is grooved against my fingertips. Eighty-two teeth. Two thousand two hundred and fourteen individual marks.

‘The mirrors were there to amplify my memories,’ I say, keeping my voice even. ‘Lonnrach would come here and he’d steal them from me for information. He’d—’ I lift my sleeve. ‘He did this to me. He said he needed my blood to see.’

‘Aileana—’

‘Aithinne said he only kept me here for a couple of months in fae-time,’ I continue, ‘but it felt longer. I don’t remember—’ I pause at the memories that threaten to overtake me.

When I speak again, I keep my voice deliberate, almost cold. ‘Do you understand why I can’t forgive you for the wisps, Galloway? You brought me backhere. After everything I did to escape, you were the one who made me go through it again.’

Gavin looks stricken. This time, he doesn’t reach for me. He doesn’t try to touch me. I watch him take in my new scars, the tiny ones interspersed between Lonnrach’s. Scars he was responsible for.

‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am,’ he says. ‘There are no words. Nothing excuses what I did to you.’

Even though I haven’t forgiven him yet, his words calm me. They calm me just enough that the mirrored room disappears around us and we’re back in the Queen’s Park. The soldiersno longer surround us. Gavin and I are alone with nothing but the seal between us.

‘You have to know,’ I say. ‘I blamed myself too. I believed you were all dead and thought what happened with Lonnrach was my punishment. I’ve replayed the last moments in the battle a thousand times. I should have been stronger—’

‘No,’he interrupts, reaching to squeeze my palm. ‘I never told you about my vision. What I saw.’

‘What?’ I whisper.

‘When I finally pieced it all together, I foresaw you attacking Sorcha. She would have wonand all this still would have happened. This was always meant to happen. I was just so angry that I couldn’t admit to myself that it was never your fault. Not really.’

I don’t tell him what I really think: that it feels like the fates use Gavin’s Sight to taunt us with visions of future events that we can’t prevent. I couldn’t stop Scotland from falling to ruin despite his warnings. What good is being able to see the future if you can’t change it?

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