Page 79 of The Vanishing Throne

‘So here we are,’ I say with a bitter laugh.

‘Here we are,’ Gavin repeats softly. He looks down at our hands. ‘Some things can’t be prevented. I should have realised that sooner, when I still had the gift.’

That draws my attention. ‘Had?’

‘I haven’t had a vision since the night you left.’

I make my face go blank, so he can’t tell what I was thinking before about his power being more like acurse. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say.

Gavin’s smile is quick, forced. ‘Liar.’He takes in our surroundings again. This time, without the soldiers there, I notice how his attention lingers on the landscape. ‘You never did answer my question about why you came here.’

Because even though it’s an illusion, these are still my memories. Because I don’t have a home any more. Because the fae took it from me.‘I just wanted to see it,’ I tell him. ‘Before I leave.’

‘Daniel told me.’ He pauses. ‘He told me about the voices, too.’

Death is her burden. Wherever she goes it follows.

I wish I had never heard Daniel’s premonition. I wish I could forget those words.

‘I don’t want to put the rest of you in danger,’ I say.

‘What will you do out there?’ he asks.

Lonnrach will never stop hunting me. An immortal can afford to be patient; all he has to do is capture me and take me to theSìth-bhrùthagain. This time, he’ll lock me up and keep me bound. And when he finds whatever it is that he’s looking for, he’ll come back to finish me off and take my power.

‘I don’t know,’ I tell him. ‘If Lonnrach overpowers me again, I’ll end up backthere, Gavin. I can’t—’

Now you know precisely how it feels to be that helpless.

I can’t be like that again. I won’t go back to being the girl Gavin saw curled up on the floor, reliving memory after memory, trying to recall what it was like to be human. To be loved.

This time Lonnrach won’t letme escape. ‘He’ll try and kill me for my power, and I don’t even know how to use it against him,’ I say. Gavin looks up at me quickly, as if he’s struck with an idea. ‘What? What is it?’

‘You won’t like it.’

‘In case you haven’t noticed,’ I say, ‘I’m don’t have a wealth of options.’

He hesitates. ‘Seers wake up with thetaibhsearachdafter dying and coming back, like I did when I was ill. Maybe power works in the same way.’

I consider his words. Derrick told me that when you die, you go beyond the veil. If the gift of Sight runs in your family and you manage to come back from the dead, you return with the ability.

Of course, Derrick told me long ago that only men have the Sight. There wouldn’t be any guarantee that I’d come back different.

But if I did, Lonnrach would never be able to bind me again. I’d have the power to prevent him from getting into my mind. He couldn’t manipulate me. He couldn’t break me. I’d have exactly what I needed to help Aithinne kill him.

It would be worth dying for that.

‘What is it like?’ I ask him. ‘Dying?’

Gavin stiffens. ‘I wish I could forget,’ he says.

‘That bad?’ I had hoped death would be more peaceful.

‘When you cross the veil, it’s not …’ He considers a moment. ‘It’s like a purgatory. Designed to draw you in and force you to move on to wherever finality is.’

‘Did you see your father?’ I can’t help but ask. That would be worth it, too. If I could see my mother one last time.

‘No,’he says softly. ‘He would have moved on from that place. There’s a reason the dead mostly stay dead. When you’re on the other side everything fights to keep you there.’

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