Page 39 of Jacked and Jaded

At the sound of Jackson’s deep voice, her whole body tensed. She slowly turned, and made her way to the island to take a seat. She avoided making eye contact with him, afraid of what she might say or do. She could hear him opening the cabinet to get a mug. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him pour himself a cup of coffee, drinking it black.

“Calliope,” he started.

“Drink your coffee and leave. You can send Chris or one of the other prospects over to babysit me,” she blurted out over him.

Jackson stopped so that he was standing across from her. He set his mug down and tried again. “Calliope. We need to talk.”

“I don’t really have anything to say and there sure as hell isn’t anything I want to hear from you. So, finish your coffee, or not, I don’t care. Then go.” She slipped off the barstool, intending to go get dressed.

“It wasn’t a mistake and I’m glad it happened.”

She stopped in her tracks, her back going board straight. “What?” She stood with her back to him, hoping she misheard him.

“If you’ll turn around and come back and have a seat, I’ll explain.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. She didn’t know what to do. Whatever he had to say, once he said it, couldn’t be unheard. What if it was something that was going to make her hate him? What if he said something that would put a rift between her and her mom? Fuck! She was such an idiot. She retook her seat. “Fine. Say what you have to say, then get out.”

He released a deep breath and rubbed his hands over his face. He looked tired. He had dark rings under his eyes and the whites were a little bloodshot. “The night we spent together, the night we had sex? I shouldn’t have gotten up the next morning and said what I said. It wasn’t a mistake and I don’t regret. I didn’t regret it then either. I was just freaked out. I know I’d been drinking a lot that night, but I wasn’t so drunk that I didn’t realize that what happened between us was hands down the best sex I’d ever had.”

She rolled her lips and averted her tear-filled eyes so that he wouldn’t see the effect his words had on her. She told herself not to ask, but her mouth had a mind of its own. “Then why did you say that?”

“I said it because I was scared. I’d never been with anyone and had a reaction like I had with you. It was completely out of my realm of experience. The only thing I could think to do was run or push you away. Since I’d been pushing you away for so long, it was a knee-jerk reaction. I did it without thinking.”

“God, you’re such an asshole.” She wiped a stray tear away, still avoiding eye contact with him. She was so sick of crying. She wasn’t a crier. Obviously, she’d had too much all at once dumped on her and she was on overload.

“I know now that because of what I said and how I acted was the reason you left for Boulder and never came home to visit your mom. You didn’t come back because you wanted to avoid seeing me.” His voice was gruff and held a hint of hurt.

She didn’t know what to say. He was right, he did push her away. He’d pushed hard. She remained silent, waiting to see if he had anything else he wanted to say before she kicked him out.

“I came to Boulder once.”

“What?” That had her gaze shooting up from the countertop to his face. She frowned, wondering if she’d heard him right. Why would he have come to Boulder?

“Yeah. It was about a month after you left. I knew you were angry when you left town the morning after I confronted you about your plans to move away instead of sticking around for the weekend when your mom could’ve helped you. I thought I’d give you some time to calm down and then I’d go see you and try to clear things between us. Instead, I found you standing outside your apartment, kissing some guy before he threw you over his shoulder and you guys went inside. He looked like he was closer to your age, so I thought fuck it. I should leave you alone and let you be with someone who could make you happy.”

She thought back to about the time he was talking about and remembered who the guy was. “I never dated him. He was Bellamy’s brother, messing around, trying to talk me into dating his friend. When I said no, he teased me, saying I should go out with him then because he was a much better kisser. He tried to prove it, but we never went out.”

“Fuck. He threw you over his shoulder. I thought you were going inside to fuck,” he forced through clenched teeth. His hands fisted on the counter, then released.

“He was just messing around. He’s the world’s biggest flirt and it never means anything.” She shook her head in disbelief. She wondered if things would’ve been different if he’d had the courage to follow her to her apartment and confront her. She wondered why she felt the need to defend herself. She didn’t do anything wrong. She was the victim in all this.

He shook his head, looking at the ceiling. “Fuck. It figures.” He ran his hands through his hair and changed the subject. “Do you know how many times I wanted to talk to you about Ryker? I’d finally made up my mind I was going to do it and then I overheard your mom telling mine that you’d moved in with someone. I couldn’t stand to hear anymore, so I left.” He laughed at himself and shook his head. “There never seemed to be a right moment to tell you. At first, he was a baby and I had to figure out the whole dad thing. Then I had to figure out how to co-parent with Zoey. Before I knew it, years had passed by. The longer I waited to tell you, the harder it became.”

“That explains why Zoey always had a hard time returning my calls and texts. In the beginning, I tried to get her to come see me in Boulder, but she always had one reason or another for why she couldn’t. After her dodging me or outright ignoring me, I just gave up trying to stay connected.” She was afraid to ask, but she needed to know. “Are you and Zoey together?” She hated how her voice wobbled when she asked.

“Together? No. We never were. The only thing between us is Ryker. She gets him a week and then I get him a week. She’s even dating a guy she works with down at the realty company.”

“She’s dating someone?”

“Yeah. She says he makes her happy and he really likes spending time with Ryker.” One side of his mouth kicked up.

“Because I must secretly be a masochist, tell me how you and Zoey ended up together? Did you date? How long after I left did you wait to fuck my best friend?”

Jackson’s nostrils flared and his mouth flattened out, not liking her attitude. Too damn bad. “We never dated. After I came back from Boulder, seeing you in another man’s arms, I ran into her at the gas station. I told her she should come by the clubhouse sometime and she did. She showed up that night, we got drunk telling each other stories about you and ended up in bed together. Needless to say, we were both freaked out the next morning.

“She called me four weeks later to tell me she was pregnant. As much as it hurts you to know I got your best friend pregnant, I wouldn’t change a thing because it got me Ryker. I’d die for my son. He’s my whole world.”

Calliope could clearly see that he loved his son above all else. It was written all over his face. And she understood that he wished he hadn’t had sex with Zoey, but couldn’t regret it because he got a son out of it. She understood all that. She supposed the hardest thing to get over was the fact that it was Zoey.

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