Page 83 of Sometimes You Fall

“He seems harmless.”

“He is, but he and his friends are always scouting for women to play darts with them. The next time you see Willow, ask how her game with them went.” Astrid smirks as a server approaches, greeting her like she’s a long-lost friend. We place our orders, and I opt for the burger and onion rings, the only thing I’ve had from here that I know will satisfy my growing hunger.

“You seem like a little bit of a celebrity around here,” I say once our server takes off.

Astrid smiles and leans back in the booth, surveying the restaurant. “I used to work here before I owned the bakery.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. After my husband died, I was working here and at the bakery just to make ends meet. Brandon’s death benefit paid off the house, but I was a stay-at-home mom before he passed, and overnight I became a single mom who needed to start earning an income to survive.”

The mention of her husband has my heart racing. “I’m so sorry about your husband.”

“Thank you, but that’s part of the reason why I wanted to talk to you, Scottie.” She adjusts herself in her seat. “I get the feeling that you and your husband didn’t have the best marriage.”

I scoff, but nod. “What makes you say that?”

She winces. “Details that my brother has shared with me, but mostly, I see something in your eyes that I recognized in myself.”

“And what’s that?”

“Fear,” she says bluntly, making my heart rate climb even more.

Swirling my water glass, I take a sip and then say, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

She nods curtly. “And if I’m on the right track, I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re hell-bent on keeping my brother at a distance.”

“God, Astrid.” I bury my head in my hands as tears threaten to spill from my eyes. “I’m such a fucking mess.”

She reaches across the table to pull my hands from my face. “No, you’re not. You’re human and have been through some shit that very few can understand. No one can blame you for how you feel, but I want you to know that I felt that way too, and it took me four years before I was finally willing to risk my heart again.”

“How did you do it?” I groan, frustrated but feeling relieved to be able to talk to someone about this.

Astrid huffs out a laugh. “Girl, it wasn’t easy. You have to consider that Penn was my husband’s best friend growing up, and alsomyfriend. So, not only were we risking our friendship, his bond with my kids, and our lives that were so intertwined, but also the trust that he shared with my late husband.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“It was, especially because Penn thought my marriage was perfect, but the truth was…it was far from it.”

I swallow hard. “I know that feeling well.”

“Well, I wanted to share my story with you because I want you to know that if there is anyone who understands what you’re going through, it’s me.” She smiles softly. “I hate that we have this in common, but I also think it’s important for you to know that I’ve been there too. I totally get how hard it is to let someone else in again after you’ve been hurt, after your belief in love and partnership has been destroyed. Especially when they’re also a friend, which makes the risks even greater.”

Tears start to well in my eyes again. “I feel like I’m right back where I was when I found out I was pregnant with Chase, and I just don’t want to make the same mistakes.”

“I hear you.”

Sighing, I close my eyes and lean my head against the back of the booth. “I can’t go through that again.”

“Yes. All valid.”

“Your brother was my friend,ismy friend, and the thought of potentially hating him one day like I hate my ex just kills me.”

“Keep letting it out, Scottie.” I pop my eyes open and look at her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not here to judge. I just want you to be able to talk about it because honestly, keeping it inside is what almost broke me and Penn. Telling him the truth allowed us to move forward, and I know you’re not there yet, but you need to give those fears life so you can start to let go of them.”

A tear streams down my cheek, but I brush it away and start to tell Astrid my story. She sits there and listens, nods and asks questions when they’re warranted. But most of all, she doesn’t tell me to move past it, to give her brother a shot, or that life is too short to hold a grudge.

She allows me to feel my feelings—be angry, terrified, and guilty for where all of my life choices have led me.

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