Page 47 of Love Not Qualified

Yet still… the air brushing on the back of my neck felt like fingers grazing my skin until it was covered by goosebumps.

On cue, Chad texted me.

How’s work so far?

God. He was so kind and sweet and I was fantasizing about my boss. I gave myself an internal slap.

I had to get it together.

SIXTEEN

HAELYN

“Hi, Mom.” I leaned down on the chair next to her bed as my voice broke, tears were already settling in my eyes the moment they wandered over her limp body. I swallowed the bob in my throat, taking her left hand in mine and rubbing the warm skin with my thumb. “I’m sorry it took me so long to visit.”

My chest ached at the sight of her beautiful curly hair that cascaded over her pale cheeks. Her eyes followed every move I made and I curled up a fist to my heart, hoping to dim the pain. I knew she would’ve liked to ask me something—maybe how my day went or what’s new since we last saw each other—but the glistening in her eyes echoed the hurt of her inability to do so.

I formed a straight line with my lips, caressing the top of her hair as I began to tell her what I knew she wanted to hear. “I changed my job, again,” I said with a small laugh, my nose so runny that I had to lift a hand and pat the skin there. “But this is nothing like my old jobs, Ma. I can finally get you better healthcare.” My palm squeezed on her own, hope blooming in my chest.

Hope was a dangerous feeling, but it was also the single thing we had when we moved from Compton, and since then, I’vecounted on it. I still relived those terrific moments right before our lives changed drastically.

The day before Mom made the decision to take Nash and me and disappear from my father’s life permanently, there had been a long night in front of us. We had no idea that what was about to happen would ruin three lives at the hands of one.

We were all watching a movie when Dad came stumbling into the house. He was missing a shoe, his clothes were covered in dew and beer. He smelled as if he had drank the whole tavern and poured some alcohol on himself to save for later. A scent of urine suggested that he had peed himself on the way home.

Dad laughed as he walked toward us, leaving a trail of liquid behind him. At that moment, no one of us were paying attention to the movie anymore.

“Go and lock yourself in a room,” Mom whispered as her hands pushed us from the couch.

Deja vu and a strange buzzing feeling told me that something bad was about to happen, so I guided Nash to his room and secured him there despite his frightened sobs, then hid myself behind a wall in case Mom needed me.

Even though I knew I wasn’t able to save her, I stood there with my fingernails piercing through the skin of my palms, waiting. It was about to explode at any second, it was just a matter of time.

Dad would always take turns on who to mess with and every time one of us intervened, we’d all be dragged into a long night where the only way the sun would rise was with us covered in bruises.

“Diane,” he murmured. “Where is my food?”

“In the fridge,” she replied with a shaky voice.

His head snapped to her and his fingers latched on her chin. “I need warm food, woman. You can eat that shit in the fridge while you make me something else.”

Mom stepped away from his touch, and I froze in my shoes, praying to God she’d obey him. If she didn’t…

“Fuck you, Will,” Mom spit out in a low tone. I knew she wanted to lash out at him, but held in because we were inside the house.

He got closer, his head tilting to the side as if he couldn’t believe his ears. “What did you say?”

She didn’t hesitate to repeat, this time louder. “Fuck. You. You can make your own damn food.” Mom turned around to leave and when her eyes landed on me, they almost flew out of her head.

I heard Dad grunt and the shadow on the wall transformed into a big monster. My limbs froze as I gasped for air, registering the chair above his head directed at the target in front of him. I stretched a hand in the air, wanting to warn her. I had to use my voice to make her understand, but my tongue was stuck at the rooftop of my mouth when my eyes landed on the sadistic stare on Dad’s face.

Before I could help her, it was too late. The house was enveloped by Ma’s shout of pain, her eyes closing on me.

“Mom!” I screamed from the top of my lungs when the chair’s leg hit her head. I dragged myself to her on my knees when she fell, my heartbeats thumping in my ears. Her temple was flooded with blood and I held my breath. “Mom, wake up.” I moved her face from side to side, but she was unresponding.

“You little cunt.” Dad’s voice got closer and he grabbed me by my hair, throwing me on the floor.

He cascaded his anger over me. I didn’t cry nor try to fight it even if I tasted blood on my tongue. All I could focus on was my mother.

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