Page 113 of Love Not Qualified

“I—” she started, then took a deep breath. “I just think the kid is trying to get your attention and everything you do is yell at him. I mean, you didn’t even ask him what happened to him, you just kept telling him what a pain in the ass he is.”

I opened my mouth to talk, but no words came out. She was right. I was so mad at the fact that he screwed it up again that I didn’t even bother to ask why he got into a fight.

Fuck.

“My dad used to tell Mom he was allowing us freedom because he wanted to let us grow naturally, not under rules, andwhile I was young, I took that as ‘I don’t give a shit about you’. I never truly craved his attention, but Nash, my brother, used to do anything to have his father notice him. He would hide his drinks, stain his clothes, and throw his cigars away.”

I blinked, threading a hand through my hair as I let out a sigh.

Haelyn continued. “It got progressively worse when he didn’t get anything back,” she said in a soft voice, throwing me a glance. “I recognize a desperate kid when I see him, Tristan.”

If until now I thought I played the perfect role of a brother who let his younger sibling have fun and enjoy life, Haelyn broke that idea with a few words.

I needed to get home faster.

The ride homefelt as fast as a rumble of thunder. I didn’t even know how I got through the gates without causing an accident. Truth was, I drove like a robot while my mind entered a tornado where a flood of memories hit me.

What Haelyn said made so much sense and while the reality hit hard, I was glad she told me how things were looking from the outside. I now knew I struggled to mold myself after Ryker’s attitude—not much talking, giving him freedom, letting him live without me—when all I had to do was to be myself. I thought that becoming a second version of him would make him feel safe and seen, but it did nothing more than put a bridge between us.

I was the reason Ryker was a rebellious kid. Because every time he did something stupid, I tried to speak his language. All I had to do was be myself and not try to get under his skin by copying his attitude.

I knocked on his door, but he didn’t bother to open it.

“Ryke,” I pleaded. “Open the door so we can talk.” No answer. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never talked to you the way I did.”

Silence still met me from the other side and I banged my head onto the wood. “Ryke, I’m serious. Let’s talk. For real this time. No hiding behind our fingers, just… real truth.”

There was a muffled sound inside, and I took a step back, my eyes growing as I waited for him to show up. He unlocked the door and didn’t spare me a glance as he walked back to his bed and threw himself on it.

I followed him with my shoulders dropped, shame nagging at me. Ryker was facing the ceiling and I took a seat on his desk chair, my lungs sucking in a deep breath of air.

He wasn’t looking at me and I had no idea what to say.

“I’m sorry.” I decided it was a good way to start. “I overreacted and I shouldn’t have yelled at you. You are not a pain in the ass, you are my brother and I care about you. You are just hard to understand and I realize now that I’ve never truly tried to. I only let you be yourself, never questioning your attitude or actions and I’m sorry for that.”

Now his eyes were watching me. Closely. Curious. I had his attention.

“What happened, Ryke? Why did you get in a fight?”

He sucked in a breath, his teeth grazing on top of his bruised bottom lip as he contemplated his reply. Ryker hesitated for a few moments, then dragged himself onto his butt, supporting his back on the wall. He sighed.

“There’s this girl in school,” he started, then threw me a glance. “I’m not interested in her in any way.” At that, I raised my arms in the air. “She was away for a year because she had cancer. Fast forward, some assholes were messing with her and I couldn’t stand to watch. End of story.”

I nodded and the ache in my chest was replaced with pride. I knew my brother hadn’t forgotten what happened to him all these years ago, so I could see why a subject like that could be sensitive to him and why he’d get involved.

“It’s a good thing you protected her,” I said, and didn’t miss the rare surprise flashing in his eyes. “I do have one question though,” I continued and watched the way his eyebrows gave me permission to continue. “How do those assholes look?”

His eyes squinted at me, almost as if he wasn’t sure if this was a trick question or not. I urged him with an incline of my chin, but the squint of his eyes didn’t disappear.

“Not able to fuck two girls at once, that’s for sure.”

Even if I was mad not too long ago, I couldn’t help but laugh. Ryker didn’t join me, but I saw the little tug of his lips. I was going to make sure I was never going to miss it again.

I got up to my feet, and then clapped him on his back. “That’s my brother.” I smiled.

FORTY-THREE

HAELYN

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