Page 17 of Recon Rendezvous

“You can stay here as long as you want, obviously. We love having you here. But I can help you find a new apartment. Real estate shopping is so fun. I spent an hour on a site the other day,” Sasha volunteers.

“No, I know you're busy with your new dance studio, which I can't wait to hear all about, so I don't want to take up any more of your time, especially since I’m so particular. I watch too much HGTV not to be. My realtor is already looking into a few places for me. I was supposed to meet with her next week, but I'll give her a call and let her know I'm here early and hopefully I can find a place sooner rather than later. She emailed that a few places she planned to show me already have offers, so this may be a little harder than I expected.” Grimacing, I tell her, “I know you guys are still in your newlywed lovey dovey era and I'd hate to cramp your style.”

Sasha laughs. “Oh, no worries about that, but I can't help but notice you picked the room furthest away from ours.”

The other girls snicker as I say, “Yeah, I cannot, let me reiterate this, I CANNOT overhear you guys at all.” I shudder.

Sasha’s hand flies to her face as we all burst out laughing before Mia turns to me.

“We should really be asking what you’re looking for besides closet space so we can help.”

I don’t even need to think about it. “I need at least three bedrooms.”

“Three?” they all exclaim.

I avert my gaze. “Yes, one for me, one for guests, and maybe I could use one for my office or something. Three bathrooms, maybe a nice yard, or near a park, and parking.”

“It sounds like you're not looking for a high rise but more of a cute little neighborhood walk up or single-family home?”

I nod. “I’m considering everything.”

“You would love the neighborhoods near Mia.”

Mia bounces on the couch. “I would absolutely love it if you lived near me. These girls left me all alone to live with their men. But I would love another single girl to play wingwoman with me.”

“I have an idea,” Sasha says. “We can show you around too, but what if we have each of the guys to take you around their buildings, their neighborhoods, just so you get a better feel for it? I mean I know your realtor can, but just in case she can't see you until next week this may give you a better idea of what you're looking for.”

Mia and Gem nod. Gem adds, “I like that idea. They can show you all the ins and outs of the area, the great restaurants, shopping, and you'll already have a friend nearby if you decide to move into that area.”

I glance at Sasha, but she's the picture of innocence and I don't know her well enough to determine if she’s up to something. “Yes, that sounds great.”

She smiles sweetly. “Perfect. I'll chat with them for you and get everything set up,” she says.

Mia pulls the attention back to her. “Tell us about this seven-year relationship. I already feel like I’m going to hate him.”

I consider if I hate him or if I even could. Can you truly hate someone you loved enough to want to commit yourself to forever?

Expelling a breath, I share, “It was a bit of a slow burn. He was a friend for so long and we shared something special for a while, but we probably should have ended our romantic relationship years ago. In the end, we just wanted different things.”

Yeah, we wanted different things but in actuality we were just two completely different people. Somewhere along the way, in all our years together, he’d picked up a mean, sadistic streak. Dismissive actions. Hurtful words. I thought it was a phase, or growing pains, as we moved further away from our early twenties and toward our goals for the future.

Clutching my pearls, I lean forward, skirting the issue and trying to lighten the mood. “Don’t get me started on the sex.It was horrible.” I squint as I reconsider. “Yes, you know what? I do hate him.”

I have the girls’ complete attention as I rant. “My breaking point came when I realized I missed sex. Toward the end, the sheets were cold and lonely.” Too many years of quiet sex. Sex in bed only, with the lights off and curtains drawn. I’m still young and I want passion and excitement. Who doesn’t?

“Sex became a chore. Something I had to do as a good girlfriend, not because I wanted to.” I don’t share that I got tired of him using my body to get off and instead of giving meorgasms, or even fucking kisses, he’d just roll over. Do you know how hard it is to get excited to sleep with someone who doesn’t even care if you enjoyed it? He didn’t care if I was ready. He’d just spit into his hand, rub it around, and shove in. Not fun.

The sheer horror on their faces almost makes me laugh and I can’t bring myself to tell them that he’d say, “Good night, babe. Thanks.”

As if I were just there to serve him.

As if my pleasure didn’t matter.

No matter my complaints, he brushed it aside and told me it was my fault. Something had to be wrong withmeif I couldn’t get off or something was holding me back from enjoying what he did to me. That indifference slowly rubbed me raw, created self-doubt, and chipped away at our bond until I withdrew.

Shrinking away from his touch.

Withdrawing into a shell, wanting nothing more than to be left alone, slowly killed our intimacy. It took years for me to realize he couldn’t love me if my pleasure and desires weren’t just as important as his.

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