Page 82 of Something Borrowed

All I see is the floor coming up towards my face at incredible speed. Then nothing. Blissful peace. The first moment of peace I’ve had since I lost her.

No dreams. No haunting nightmares.

Next I know I’m outside the club - music pulsing behind me from behind the walls. Its muffled. Only the steady beat of bass reaching the open night air.

I’m being held up between the twins, their arms wrapped beneath mine, supporting me as they drag me towards the car.

Fuck this. I’m not going with them.

I kick my feet into the ground and throw myself backwards. I’m too big for them to hold. Tuomo swears.

“Fucking asshole.” He snarls.

“Get in the fucking car.” Masaccio demands, pointing at the car as though I was a kid, and he was the parent, dictating and controlling.

“Go fuck yourselves.” I snarl, then turn and run.

I’m too drunk to see which direction I’m headed in and I don’t care. I just need to escape those fucking back stabbing mother fuckers who took the only thing in the world that I want andgave her away.

That they think I’ll let that go - forgive them - be ok with them - they are the crazy ones.

Images flash through my mind of Tuomo with protruding eyes and blue lips. I flex my fists as I run.

I was going to kill him.

I wanted to.

I would have.

And even now - I don’t trust myself not to kill them if I get into that car with them. They are safer if they just let me go.

I’m not looking for revenge against them - not yet, anyway.

All I’m trying to do is get back to her.

If I can’t - if I cannot find her - then they will reap the wrath of that pain.

For now I still have hope. Dwindling and feint, but I’m not giving up.

I won’t ever give up.

I run until my lungs scream and a stitch tightens my ribs. I run because it burns. It hurts everywhere. The pain is a pleasure I need. It’ll keep me sharp and burn the alcohol away.

When I stop, gasping for air, folded double with my hand pressed against my ribs, I’m at the docks. A rich scent of salt and boat fuel drift around this place giving it a distinct smell. Mixed with the smell of seals and raw fish.

I stand up, flexing my shoulders and rolling my neck.

My feet thud on the wooden jetty floating between massive yachts as I walk towards the end.

Its pitch dark and deadly silent. The only sound is the ocean water, lapping against the sides of those boats. Pristine, glossed white and blue. I’d like to take Verity on one of theses. Sail her around the world, we could escape everyone. Watch sunsets. Be alone.

I sit with a loud huff on a chunky wooden pole. A thick rope is wrapped around it. My eyes follow the rope up towards the boat that is anchored to the dock here.

Burn it all down.A voice in my head encourages me.

Burn it to the ground. Burn everything. Until you find her.

I pull a silver lighter out of my back pocket. The metal body engraved with a snake. Flicking it back and forth in my fingers I spark a flame and then snap the lid closed over it to smother it out again.

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