Page 80 of Something Borrowed

I need her.

I yearn for her, it’s crushing me inside. I came here to find one of Verity’s friends. To see if I could get any information about where she might be. But none of them have seen her since before we got married. They haven’t spoke to her.

She’s disappeared off the map.

Music vibrates through my body as I scan the sea of faces, dancing, laughing, celebrating life as though they have something to live for.

I’ve been searching and finding nothing but dead ends and bad leads for days now. Without Verity, I’m losing my mind. I can sense it slipping away from me. She is my stability. She keeps me grounded.

The barmen sets another shot of vodka in front of me. I pick it up and toss it back, letting it burn down my throat. The alcoholis numbing the pain for a moment. I’m so drained, so exhausted, that I don’t know what to do.

I slam the empty shot glass down on the counter top.

“Another.” I demand, then change my mind. “Just leave the fucking bottle.” I can see the judgement in his eyes, but I don’t give a fuck. They know who I am, and they know better than to deny me what I want.

He sets it down in front of me and backs away with a sour look on his face.

Fuck him.

Fuck everyone.

Picking up the bottle I drink straight from it. Taking long gulps of the crystal clear poison. I want to feel less.

This is my only option. In no time at all the blurry vision and slurred thoughts are making me laugh. It’s not amusement. It’s not happiness. It’s pure anger.

Anger because the world took away theonebeautiful thing I had in my life.

Anger because nothing has meaning without her.

Anger because I’m failing.

I made her a promise. I was supposed to keep her safe. I was supposed to keep her with me.

I have failed her, and I don’t know how to fix it.

I step away from the bar, shove a guy out of my way as I stumble forward. He was dancing too close. Annoying me.

He trips and hits leg on a table.

“You fucker.” He shouts, turning to face me.

Oh,yes, I want this. I want to fight him. I laugh louder.

He raises his hands in the air, appearing much calmer. “Wait, bro, it’s ok. It was my fault. I’m sorry. No problem, man. I’m sorry.” He steps back so fast he trips again, then scoots away across the floor.

“Weak.” I scream at him and several people in the club turn to glare at me but just as quickly they turn away again.

In a blind fit I smash the bottle across the same table he tripped over. Glass shatters around me.

“Does nobody want to fight me?” I shout. “Are you all scared? Is life too precious?”

Around me a wide space opens up as people scamper to create distance from me.

I spin in a slow circle with my arms spread wide. I need this.

“There must besomeone?”

“He’s over there. Please, get him out of here.” I turn towards the voice and see one of their bouncers - standing next to Masaccio and Tuomo.

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