Page 94 of Perfect

“I know, but I have to try.” Laying my heart open.

She smiled and nodded her understanding, but I could see she was worried.

I had known Connor a matter of months, but Iknewwhen the fight broke out that I was in love with him. Full-on, hard-hitting love, and I wasterrifiedof being hurt but I had to go with it.

I could feel Rachel’s eyes drilling into me as I said goodnight and headed up the stairs. She was right, but I was lost and there was no turning back. Life has no undo button.

I needed Connor Barratt like I needed the air in my lungs.

*****

The last few weeks of my summer holiday flew by at an alarming speed and the thought of going home and leaving Connor was now making me feel sick on a daily basis.

We kept our hands off each other when we were in company, but I witnessed Rachel and my dad exchange knowing glances. They knewsomethingwas going on. I imagine most of our friends also had an idea, as they too exchanged enough looks behind our backs, ones they thought we didn’t see.

Eventually, we held hands going into the pub which was witnessed by Tom and Ella who were there eating supper with their parents one night.

Tom was very quiet for a couple of days afterwards but then must have gotten used to the idea, especially when a new girl started working at his practice. She was called Lucy Meadows. I saw her from a distance in Tom’s car one evening. She had bright red hair and from what he said, she sounded really sweet. Possibly just what he needed.

On the night before I was due to leave, Rachel and my father had purposefully eaten out, probably to give Connor and me some time alone together.

We were downstairs in the floral room, with the fire lit. The flames bounced shadows across the leather-bound books. It was so romantic and special.

Connor was wearing jogging pants and a tee and I was in my shorty PJs. I was laid with my back against his chest and we were talking about the next time we would see each other.

My mother and Phil were going to the coast during the half term in October and it was the plan for Connor to travel down and stay at mine whilst my mum was away. I wasn’t sure if I’d ask my mum or whether I’d smuggle him in. It was one of those wait-and-see plans.

As I snuggled into him, enjoying the fact that we had the house to ourselves, I ran my fingers up his thigh. A mixture of nervous emotion and excitement thrummed within me. My heart was fluttering like a bird against my ribcage and Connor twisted his head to peer down at me.

I moved my hand further along his leg but he stopped my fingers as they fell short of my intended target. Uncertainty bubbled inside me and I craned my head to meet his gaze, unsure of what to do next.

He stroked the back of my hand and dropped a quick kiss on my lips.

“Not here and not now. The timing has to be perfect,” Connor whispered.

It felt pretty perfect to me, well apart from the fact that our parents could actually appear at any moment.

He manoeuvred himself on the sofa so we were facing each other. My legs half draped over his so I sat sideways on his lap.

“I can’t actually believe I’m saying this. You know I want to. So,fuckingmuch it’s insane, but I want your first time to be right. Not here and certainly not on the sofa or the floor. The first time I fuck you will be perfect Harlow.”

My braless nipples pebbled against my top at the strength of those words. I had never wanted a boy like I wanted Connor.

“We could go upstairs.” My voice was thick, it didn’t sound like me.

“No Harlow. Not when you’re leaving tomorrow. That would be a major head-fuck, for both of us.”

“Will it hurt the first time?” I questioned, deep in thought again.

He exhaled and shifted slightly. Was our discussion making him hard? I imagined it was. The thought made me feel powerful.

“I will make it good for you Harlow, you can trust me. We’ll take it slow.”

A sliver of relief seeped into me. I wanted to sleep with him, but he was right, I wasn’t fully ready to have sex for the first time and then be separated from the guy I’d given my virginity to. Being intimate in that most special way and then not being able to be together for a month would be unbearable surely.

He pulled me further onto his lap and kissed me. It was deep, loving, and totally sexy and I moved against him, feeling his blatant hard-on against my bottom as his tongue drove into my mouth.

He groaned as I moved and drew his head back, knowingly grinning at me.

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