Page 93 of Perfect

“I’d forgive you anything, even the Natalie’s of this world,” I replied with a smile. I popped her name in there to see how he reacted.

He grimaced. “So, she told you. Thought she would. That is mostdefinitelyover. Want to paddle?” he suddenly said and I barked out a laugh. Connor was so spontaneous and I relished the opportunity to be childlike with him.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

We raced over to the water and I dropped my bag and watched Connor as he removed his trainers. I helped him roll up the bottom of his jeans and hecomplained that I was tickling him. He had large calf muscles and my hand brushed against the hair on his legs.

I tried to help him to his feet and he almost pulled me over, he was so much larger than me. We laughed and crashed into each other and he occasionally pecked me on the lips. It felt so loving that my heart must have swollen to twice its usual size in my chest.

We walked hand in hand over to the edge of the water as it lapped the sand, it was icy against my feet but I ploughed further in until the sea caressed my almost non-existent calf muscles.

We laughed, splashing around and spoke about our past experiences at the beach and the places we had travelled. Connor explained that he intended to run his own farm one day and that my dad had offered to help him get started. It didn’t bother me. I wanted my father to help him. We briefly spoke about Natalie again and he did so with no feeling at all, I understood that she’d just been a release for him, a distraction. He spoke about Ella like a little sister and how they’d confided in each other and my jealousy about this also started to fade.

We shared a few more passionate kisses whilst the water splashed against our legs. It was perfect in every way.

The tide was coming in and approaching where we’d left our stuff and so we left the water and headed back up the beach towards our exit route.

Connor explained that when he moved to the farm two years ago, he’d found this particular cove and that he visited often when he needed some alone time.Thiswas the place he’d escaped to the night he’d the fight with his mother. Not to Natalie as I had first assumed, thank God.

He said he’d found it hard when his mother and my dad first got together but after a few months, eventually got used to the idea. He also explained that it had been obvious that my dad was the right guy for Rachel. He was so calm and didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body. Connor said Mike didn’t even raise his voice in an argument.

The Mike he was describing was not the father I remember growing up. My mum and dad used to go at it like two crazy people at times. Although merely in a vocal way.

It was all about being with the right person and I too felt that I had found mine. I was the soft to his hard, the gentle to his tough. Surely, we evened each other out?

In the car on the way home, I fell asleep feeling the happiest and most content I have in months.

Connor woke me gently by rubbing my shoulder and I squinted from the light coming into the car from the house. It appeared someone was still up. We’d left a note to say we’d gone for a drive and so it wasn’t like we hadn’t told anyone.

It was dark outside and as we walked to the house; I experienced a moment of guilt as I wondered what our parents would say if they’d seen us on the beach together. Behaving like a boyfriend and girlfriend. I batted off the thought. There was no point worrying about it as I had to go home in a few days.

That thought sank like lead in my stomach. I had one more year of school to get through. How would I cope without him?

As we got to the door, Connor kissed my mouth and said he’d see me in the morning. He said something about needing diesel and I didn’t question him further. I didn’t want to come over like a bunny boiler who needed to track his every move. Connor would hate being smothered.

As I made my way in through the front door, I heard Connor start the car and drive off. The light was still on in the hall but it was dead quiet.

I started to remove my sandals, my toes still had sand on them and it reminded me of our perfect evening together.

I attempted to swallow a cocktail of guilt and misery over the thought of leaving again but decided to shelve the feelings about going back home for now. I needed to establish why I felt guilty being with Connor when it also felt so right.

As I rolled it around my head, I realised that it wasn’t because our parents were married. Icertainlydidn’t see Connor as a sibling. It was the sneaking around part; you constantly felt like you were looking over your shoulder. I imagined that is what Ella and Ryan would feel like.

As for Connor and I. What were we? No label had been made. He hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend or anything.

I approached the stairs, lost in thought as Rachel appeared from Dad’s study.

“Did you have a nice time?” she asked in a low voice.

She had a tone that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“Yes, thank you. It was great,” I answered and threw her a shy smile, suddenly feeling uneasy.

Her next words were even harder to read.

“I hope you know what you’re doing Harlow,” she began. “Some men are not easy to love.”

I turned to face her. My expression was purposefully guarded but said.

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