Page 77 of Trailer Trash

He gave me a hesitant look. “No.”

“When?”

He grimaced, clearly uncomfortable. I knew I should let it drop, but now that I’d had the nerve to bring it up, I wanted an answer.

“Honestly,” he said, “it snuck up on me, but it probably started last winter, when Rose arranged to meet Mick Gentry without Skeeter. You insisted on coming as backup. I figured you’d be a waste of time—and worse, a liability—but you more than proved yourself.”

“Really? I had no idea,” I said in surprise. “You only seemed annoyed.”

“I was annoyed, but more at myself than you. You didn’t know, and I wanted to keep it that way. You were still married. But when you showed up to Skeeter’s office a few months ago, asking him to help you search for the fool, I couldn’t stand seeing you so upset. So I overstepped my bounds.” A sly grin spread across his face. “But I’m not sorry I did. I was sure that was why you called me a couple of nights later.”

I hung my head in embarrassment. Rose had gone to Houston to donate her bone marrow for her sister’s transplant. I was pissed at the world and lonely without her, so I’d gone to a bar outside of town with the sole purpose of hooking up with a man. Finding someone was easy, but I changed my mind pretty much as soon as we got to his apartment. Things went south right quick, and I locked myself in the bathroom and called Jed.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” he said. “The guy from the bar . . . why didn’t you just beat the crap out of him?” He held up his hands in surrender. “Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed beating the shit out of him myself, but you’ve proven multiple times that you can take down a man . . .” His voice trailed off.

“So why didn’t I?” I finished.

“No judgment, Neely Kate. I need to make that perfectly clear.”

I nodded. It was a fair question. “When I came back home to my granny five years ago, I was a hot mess. I huddled in my room for days, crying off and on and refusing to leave the house. But then a week later, my cousin Witt busted in and told me Rivers kids didn’t mope and he and my cousin Alan Jackson were going to teach me how to shoot a gun. They gave me my grandfather’s six-shooter, and it turned out I was pretty good at it.” I looked up at Jed and saw his grin.

“I’ll say.” He’d seen me shoot targets a couple of weeks ago after Skeeter told him to take Rose for target practice.

“Now, I hadn’t said a word about what had happened to me, but somehow Witt seemed to know what I needed. He never asked questions, and I never offered answers, but after I learned to shoot better than him and Alan Jackson, he suggested I learn some self-defense moves next.”

“So Merv has Witt to thank for his busted nose.”

I lifted my shoulder into a shrug and grinned. “Rivers kids are scrappy. After I ended up breaking a few of their bones, they ended the self-defense lessons.”

“So what happened with that guy from the bar this spring?”

“I thought I’d built this perfect life with Ronnie, the one I’d always wanted—a husband, a house, babies . . . only, being married to Ronnie wasn’t what I wanted after all and I was just plain stuck. He was a good man—or at least I used to think so—and I’d pretty much roped him into the whole thing, so it wasn’t like I could say, ‘Oops, I changed my mind.’ Besides, by then I knew I was pregnant. And then I lost the babies. And Ronnie took off, not that I necessarily wanted him to stay, but it was just another rejection. My body rejected my babies, and then Ronnie ran off after he found out my body had been full of STDs . . . even though the doctor assured him that they’d all been cured.Afterthey’d destroyed me. But the clincher was Joe. When I found out he was my half brother and then he left town first chance he got without one word . . . it was all too much. I felt like that girl again, that stupid girl who’d fallen for Branson’s lies, hook, line, and sinker.” I hung my head in shame. “I felt so rejected, so worthless, I just needed a man to think I was pretty.”

“I wish I’d realized that,” Jed said quietly. “I would have made more of an effort.”

I shook my head. “No. The thought of you being interested in me scared the bejiggers out of me. I wasn’t ready. But I wasn’t ready to hook up with some random stranger either. Once he got me back to his apartment, everything with Branson came rushing back, and I suddenly lost every bit of self-confidence I’d gained over the past five years. I became that scared, stupid girl again, not the strong, kick-ass woman I’d worked hard to become.”

I looked into his eyes. “I was scared and humiliated, so I called the person I thought would help me without judgment. You’d made your offer a couple of days before, and I knew you’d gotten Rose out of some tough situations. Calling you was the right thing to do, but I was still embarrassed.” I paused. “And then you insisted on sleeping on my sofa to make sure I was okay.” I squeezed his hand. “You have no idea how much that meant to me. When I woke up, I was so angry. I was angryat myselffor getting into that situation and not fighting back. I was pissed at that guy for thinking he had a right to sex just because he’d bought me a few drinks. And I was mad at you for being so perfect because I knew you deserved someone less broken and used-up than me.”

“Neely Kate.”

“So I lashed out at you. Again and again. Even as I was doin’ it, I knew it wasn’t the right thing. It made me feel worse. Not only had I reverted back to that stupid girl, but I’d been ugly to the one man who was willin’ to help me for no ulterior motive.” I looked up at him. “I’m sorry for that too.”

He shook his head, giving me a sad smile. “Have you ever thought that the reason we might work together is because we’re both screwed up?”

I laughed. “You like me because I’m a mess?”

He grinned. “I wouldn’t put it that way . . . but we just seem to fit, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” I said softly. “We do.”

He turned to study the outside of the strip club for nearly half a minute before he asked, “Do you think Branson was the man who showed up at Zelda’s looking for you?”

“No. Zelda has seen Branson plenty of times. She would remember him.”

“So we know some mysterious man is looking for you, and we know that Stella and Branson have been working together to turn Beasley against you. The question is why. Do you know?”

“I don’t know for certain, but I will after I talk to Carla.”

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